Waffles, Spaghetti and the "Nothing Box"
One of the primary premises of this blog is that men and women often view the world quite differently. Various authors have described this phenomenon in a number of different ways. According to Bill and Pam Farrel's eponymously entitled book, "Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti." Marriage expert Mark Gungor describes men's brains as being a frustratingly compartmentalized (to women) collection of boxes on a shelf, while women's brains are a dizzying (to men) mass of tangled, interconnected, highly energized wires.
According to Gungor, most of us men open only one box at a time, dealing with whatever item (singular) that box contains until we're finished dealing with it, then we close the box and replace it on the shelf, making certain, of course, that none of the boxes touch one another, since none of our boxes has anything to do with any other box. Everything is a separate issue. Our very favorite box is the "Nothing Box," which is exactly what it sounds like, and allows us to spend hours upon hours engaged in activities that require little if any actual brain activity. The Nothing Box is the reason why we men can truthfully answer the question, "What are you thinking about?" with a very simple and straightforward, "Nothing."
Most women's brains, however, according to Gungor, are a teeming bundle of sparking electrical wires that are irrevocably intertwined with one another. For most women, he says, everything is connected to everything else; there are no such things as "separate issues." Women's brains are literally going in many directions all at once, making them generally much better multitaskers, unlike men who tend to have one-track minds.
While all broad generalizations about the difference between the sexes are exactly that--broad and general--I've found there's a lot of truth to Gungor's characterizations about the different ways men and women view and interact with the world around them. I've noticed these differences even more acutely lately between my wife Carol and me in regards to an important event soon to happen in our lives.
Previously in this blog I've alluded briefly to the fact that for the past year and a half Carol and I have been raising our grandson Quenton, who just turned 2 years old this week. To say that we've become quite attached to him during this time would of course be an understatement of enormous magnitude. Now, however, the time has come for Quenton to go live with his dad, our oldest son, who has completed a tour of duty in Iraq with the U.S. Army and is now in a position to raise his son. In just a few weeks Carol and I will be leaving Missouri for New York to take Quenton to his new home.
Carol and I are dealing with the same mixed emotions involving this transition, but the WAY in which we're processing those feelings is very much a study in waffles and spaghetti, boxes and bundles of wire. For Carol, there is no escaping the conflicting emotions of relief and worry, guilt and gratitude. Whatever she's doing, those thoughts and feelings are always close at hand, and it doesn't take much to bring them rushing to the surface.
I, on the other hand, keep my emotions securely encased in the boxes I've assigned to them. When I'm working, the work box is the only box I have open. When I'm watching something on television, only the Nothing Box is down off the shelf. But from time to time, either by choice or by necessity, I do gingerly open the lid of the Quenton-is-leaving-us box and deal with the emotions it contains. I have to put strict limits on the amount of time I spend with that box, though. While I confess there are times when the ability to mentally and emotionally compartmentalize comes in handy, the down side is that as a result we men are actually less well-equipped to deal with our feelings when we finally do come face to face with them. I think women have the advantage over us in that regard.
The reality, of course, is that the world needs both waffles and spaghetti, both the resolute singlemindedness of men as well as the empathetic multitasking abilities of women. Learning to understand and appreciate the differences in the way men and women are wired is, I believe, of tremendous benefit in every arena of life.
Bon appétit!