More Bullies
I've written about bullies in contexts of relational aggression and most recently in terms of what it means to you. Let's consider several examples.
- The Coworker Bully – this individual goes to breaks and lunches before you, volunteers early for the sweet schedule spots, and leaves the hard bench work for you.
- The Nurse Bully – this individual has been at your hospital for many years. Her manner is scornful and offhanded to the laboratory, and the few times you've talked to her she's infuriated you by dismissing a concern, making an unrealistic demand, or hanging up.
- The Doctor Bully – this individual has yelled at you in front of patients. He once was overheard complaining about laboratory quality at a nurse's station.
While the above are not real, they are composites of real observations. What they have in common is an apparent desire to provoke negative reactions in others. Their specific behavior seeks to limit your responses into either a defensive stance, one in which you're forced to take responsibility for their work, or both. These bullies react indifferently to your aggravation and leave you wondering what they say about you and your work when you aren't around.
You may not be special. Remember, bullies have been bullies for years. They get hired and even promoted because their behavior works for them. And when confronted, they can be excellent victims. You're correct to be concerned that others tip-toe around these monsters. In my last blog I offered a few suggestions to help cope, but what can be done about these people?
Well, if a bully is a bully forever, not much. But you can change to break a cycle of abuse. Try this with the coworker above: "I see that you repeatedly take an early break before me, even when I have an earlier shift. From now on, let's work together to decide what time to go to break." By stating the truth, offering a solution, and following up the next morning, you've refused to let the bully control your behavior. It's a first step in changing his.