Called in for Questioning
So I go from working part-time as a nurse to not really working
and just doing clinicals. My preceptors were pretty good about working with us
regarding schedules, which was amazing because I have 2 kids and a crazy
husband. This was more beneficial than I EVER realized!
Now? I realize... Let's see... In my first three weeks, I've
gotten snowed in at my house (couldn't get down my hill) and my kids have been
sick twice. And then I get the call that I was needed in management's office. I
was sat down and asked if everything was ok. They are concerned because I've
missed so much time and questioned if I really feel "committed to the team."
This killed me. I felt absolutely TERRIBLE about having to call in and then to
be questioned about my commitment was the straw on the camel's back.
I LOVE this job. I love the people that I work with and I love
everything about the institution. To have this questioned was disheartening. I
can totally understand where they're coming from, though. They don't know me
from Joe Blow and I'm calling in right off the bat. I've hired a nanny but
she's only available on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays so of course the kids
have to be sick on Tuesdays and Thursdays, right? That's really the only thing
that makes sense.
I think my biggest issue is the strong feeling that I'm the
crappiest mother in the world. All I really want to do is stay home and take
care of my babies when they're sick. We're seeing such a huge increase in viral
cases that are having devastating endings at work and that just adds to my
increasing anxiety about nurturing my little ones.
The practitioner in me knows it's probably "just a virus," but
the mommy in me is yelling that my baby is sick and it might be worse than we
all think. All I want to do is cuddle him all day and let him know that his
mommy is right here and loves him more than anything in the world!
And then reality sets in. The mortgage has to be paid, the utilities
are best when kept on and no one's happy if there's not food on the shelves. So
off I go to work to tend to those sicker than sick in the hospital and pray for
my sick little one at home.