I want to thank you for being magnificent human beings. Some of you are truly angels, some are advocates. Others are warriors, role models, mentors, leaders, and innovators. Most of you want what's best for the patients, others want what's best for the profession, and some want both.

I can say without any hesitation at all that I believe nurses are the most interesting people in the world. No one else can ever know what we do, or why we do it. No one else can ever know what drives us, motivates us, or guides us. It's certainly not for the money, or the ever-shrinking benefits!

We are often mistreated, not only by our patients, but by our own, yet we continue to show up, day after day.

I am one of the lucky ones who always knew that nursing was exactly what I was put here to do. And as I wind down my hospital career after 40-plus years, I will look back and remember the wonderful events that kept me going all those years. Every day there was a new challenge, a new story, and a new life affected. Yes, I will miss the hospital, but my time is almost over. I'm tired, and retirement calls. But I will always be thankful knowing that I belonged to a very special group of human beings: Nurses. 

of you quickly responded, "nothing" and that's OK.

On page one of our Job Description, number 4 actually says, "Realizes that staff nurses will think you don't do anything." We accept that, because we know that in reality, EVERY job in Nursing is a tough one, and we understand that many of you have no idea what we really do or the enormous responsibility we carry, so we forgive you. Besides, it does have its perks.

One of the most annoying yet constant jobs we have is answering questions over the phone. The majority of calls are from nurses who already know the right answers, and just need validating. Other calls pertain to policies, patient complaints, or doctor issues, but then there are the calls that allow me a good laugh at least once a shift.

I thank the switchboard operators for this perk. I couldn't do my job without them, because they know everything, but on the rare occasion when they don't know what to do with a call, they send it to me. I don't blame them. If I could send these calls to someone else, I would too.

Take for instance the man who called a few years ago, and asked for the morgue. I asked if could be of help, and he said no, he wanted to speak to someone in the morgue. I needed a minute...

Then I explained that the morgue was not a staffed unit, and again asked if I could be of help. No, he said, he was looking for his brother, and heard from someone that he was in the morgue...I needed another minute.

Foolishly, I supposed the problem was mine. I had assumed that this guy knew what a morgue was and apparently he didn't, so I defined it for him. This time HE took a minute. Then he said, so can I talk to him or not?

Never mind the rest, but calls like this I actually consider a perk of the job.

The Chain of Command. It's what nurses are taught to follow in the event of a troublesome problem or issue. Like many things in nursing, this process is based on the military model. The goal is to try to solve problems at the lowest possible level, before they become huge issues requiring heavy hitting interventions.
But what if the problem is WITH the Chain of Command? Say you and your immediate supervisor are having a disagreement. It's an uncomfortable thing to go over your boss's head to report it, and most nurses are too afraid to do so. And you can't depend on the fact that your boss will do it on your behalf, so what's the answer?
Back in day, the answer was down a back hallway in a nice little office called Personnel, usually staffed by some really nice man or woman who knew your name. It was a place an employee could go and talk, in confidence, and feel like someone had their back. Their answer would almost always be, "Let me look into this and get back to you. We'll see if we can't get this fixed. Don't worry." And you didn't. Personnel was going to fix it.
Today, Personnel is Human Resources -- like we're all some kind of fossil fuel to be used up. It's all Policy and Procedure to be strictly adhered to. One rule to fit all without concern for special circumstances, or necessary kindness.
I just think it's terribly sad that there is no longer an employee advocate in the hospital setting for nurses.

You are on your own, so watch your back. {{sigh}}

The first time I got upset with him was watching him covering one of the annual hurricanes in Haiti. As he discussed the health issues the country was facing, he was changing a bloody dressing on a child's wound without wearing gloves. OK, so maybe he thought gloves would make him look like he wasn't compassionate enough for TV, but I was rather horrified by his irresponsibility. Haiti, after all, is known for an alarming HIV/AIDS rate. I even wrote to him at CNN to say so, but of course, I'm still waiting for his response. 

Recently, he disappointed me again. He was giving an editorial on CBS's Sunday Morning, which began as if he had some real information to pass on about how medical mistakes were responsible for way too many deaths every year. He brought up the M&M (Morbidity & Mortality) Committee, although he didn't name it, and I thought, "Oh good! He's gonna tell the public about the sacred society meetings!" Next thing I know, he says that he took notes at the M&M meetings he attended, and announced he's written a book about it all. And he talked about his book. In other words, CBS and Sunday Morning gave Dr. Sanjay Gupta a full 5 minute infomercial to hawk his new book! I wonder how his colleagues who were also at those meetings feel about that.

Let's fast forward now to 2012. Disney, it seems, didn't follow its own model. It recently opened an "obesity" pavilion at Disney World to increase our awareness of the importance of healthy eating and exercise, which is noble. What's not so noble is the way the "bad guys" are portrayed. All are obese with names like Leadbottom and Glutton. Parents were outraged. After all, we know we are an obese nation, and now Disney is essentially telling our kids that fat people are just plain bad. Fortunately, Disney took the complaints seriously, and closed down the exhibit in order to rework the message.  But if the exhibit had stayed the way it was, and was part of the Disney practice model as shown in If Disney Ran Your Hospital, I realized my overweight self probably wouldn't be able to work at my hospital anymore!

Due to some shoulder issues and surgeries, she was out of work off and on for a few months. All is now healed, and she's been trying to find a job for a long time. You need to know that that our friend is 65 years old.

I've spoken about this before. Like it or not, realistically, she KNOWS why she's not getting hired; it's blatant age discrimination. Of course, they can't say that, so when she asks, they give her all kinds of excuses. The best by far was her last. Since it's not like the old days when we filled out an application, had a quick interview and got hired, the norm now is to return for multiple interviews. HR interviews you, then managers, and peers, plus the physical and background checks. It's exhausting just to apply. Our friend wasn't hired this time, because the manager was "uncomfortable with her body language." Really? Are you kidding me? Of course, the manager was in her late 20s or early 30s. I'm betting she was just intimidated by the wealth of knowledge and experience sitting in front of her.

Do you think she should have given that as a reason for not hiring our friend? And do you think ‘body language" is a legitimate reason? I think its nonsense!

I apparently qualified for, and received a cell phone loaded with 90 free minutes per month from the state of Maryland last week. That really is a huge help, because I get little or no service on my cell phone when I am at home, leaving me to maintain a basic landline.

Yesterday, I also was the recipient of a very gracious cash grant from Nurses House, along with a letter stating I will receive one more grant for the same amount next month. It will be enough to take care of not only my car payment, which was my greatest concern, but most of the hospital bills I am faced with post C. Diff and hip fracture. I am beyond grateful to them.

And as always...nurses to my rescue.

Well, yeah. They do that, and they get away with it.

Of course, the hospital wants the case thrown out, but be sure to read the reason why. To paraphrase, they say it's the standard. Since many people can't afford to pay, they say they have to overcharge those who can.

That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard, but I'm certainly not surprised by it, and they are not the least bit ashamed to say it.

Our healthcare system appears so non-compassionate, which I'm sure they would dispute because they do treat many for free.

What is wrong with a country that bases its healthcare system on greed, shamefully disguised as free enterprise? I'm watching this case closely. I doubt if the guy will win, but maybe, just maybe, North Carolina will be brave enough to set a precedent.

Let's hope so.

She is older than I am, but started her nursing career about 8 years later than I did. It was NOT her original choice of careers, but she kind of fell into it, and said to me once it seemed like I was having so much fun at it, she thought she'd give it a try. Nursing fit her as perfectly as it fits me.

She began like many nurses... a single mom needing a good job that could support her and her 2 rapidly growing teenage boys. She had to leave them for her 12 hour night shifts, which so many of us have had to do although we hated it. During her career, she got lettered and credentialed, went in and out of administration, and ended where she began, doing what she loved at the bedside in critical care. She was a mentor and teacher to younglings, loved by many, respected by all. In addition, she was what I have come to call a Warrior Nurse. She always did what was best for her patients, even if it meant trouble for herself, which it often did.

I hope you will join me in wishing my colleague, closest friend, mentor, teacher, and big sister both a Happy Birthday, and even Happier Retirement. Well done Barbara!

This was an ABC.com headline. Of course, ever since it's been revealed that Deen has Type 2 diabetes, she has been getting country fried by food critics, nutritionists and doctors. People are acting like she has been hiding some dirty little secret and intentionally and singlehandedly leading America straight into diabetic hell.

I don't get what the big deal is. First, her medical history is her business. Second, she is a very successful businesswoman just selling her product. Third, her product is that she cooks southern comfort food because it's what she knows best. And fourth, she is neither advising nor forcing you to eat what she cooks.

I don't watch her show, but that's because her voice gets on my last nerve, NAH'YALL. But I was raised on the same cooking, and I love it. Heck, gravy was a beverage at my house. And by the way, while I do NOT have diabetes, my sister does. Yes, she was raised on the same food, but my Dad, who was not, also had Type 2 diabetes.

Listen, I realize the seriousness of diabetes, along with heart disease and obesity, etc. These things are epidemic. Look at this: "Diabetes is a leading cause of death among middle-aged American women; rates in 1996 follow: fifth among white women, fourth among black and American Indian women, and third among Hispanic women aged 45-64 years."

We know, we know. So go ahead and blame the food, blame your Dad, or put the blame where it belongs -- on the choices you make. But stop blaming Paula Deen, and let the woman manage her own disease. It's Nonya bidness y'all!

C-Diff infection and breaking my hip on November 30, 2011.

As a 40-year nurse, uninsured and working per diem, I was reasonably certain there would be some sort of temporary assistance for me, to help get me through a time without income. Since I have now been released by my doctor, and will return to work on February 10, I am ending my quest by choice.

Here are the results to date: I called my state case worker again on Thursday, left another message, and have not heard back. I suspect I should have re-applied for aid, having possibly missed some deadline or some form, but I am really not sure, because no one will call me back. I have not heard from Nurses House either, but I'm sure they have to make several hard decisions about who to help, and I am at least able to go back to work. Others requesting assistance may not be so fortunate. I did hear from the hospital, and got my bill for the hip fracture ER visit covered 100%, so that is a huge help, but I will still owe them about $1000 for all my C-Diff labs and X-rays, not to mention the doctors' bills.

But guess who did come through for me? Once again, it was nurses. One nurse friend sent me a Wal-Mart gift card and another sent a Food Lion gift card. Two nurse friends went to Costco and filled my freezer and pantry. Another actually came the long distance to my home for 3 days helping me with ADLs, cleaning, cooking and errands. And my colleagues at work took up a collection and sent me a very comforting money order. I love nurses, and I thank all who helped and encouraged me.

My take-away on all this is a deeply sad disappointment at the way government assistance is handled. There really is a great deal of help available, but it is way too complicated a procedure. Each area of assistance (i.e., cash advances, Medicaid, home heating, food stamps, etc.) requires a different set of forms. It's a no-brainer to me that ONE very complete set of forms should be copied and sent to each area for determination of eligibility, but I guess that would be too easy. It's ridiculous.

Admittedly, if I could not return to work, I would have to continue this pursuit, and my sympathies go to those who don't have the education or resources that I have to attempt it. But you know what? They probably have sympathy for me, because I didn't know how to "work the system" and that, apparently, is what it takes.

I am happy and pretty secure in saying that the C-Diff is gone, and my fracture is healing very well. I still struggle with a bit of pain walking up steps, but that's actually nothing new, since I have arthritic knees too!

But this blogged journey has been about trying to get some sort of temporary assistance due to lack of funds. I work per diem and have no health insurance. There have been interesting, but unsuccessful developments in that regard.

On Thursday January 5, I got a Food Assistance Debit Card in the mail. HOORAY! I tried to use it on Saturday, and it wouldn't work. On Monday, I received a letter from the state saying that since my paperwork didn't make it in by January 6 (AKA "The Deadline") my case had been closed, and that's why the card didn't work.

First thing the next morning, I called my case worker and she said that was correct, I would have to re-apply all over again from the very beginning, and she read off the things I hadn't sent. But I HAD sent them, I said...so she put me on hold for a while, came back on, and admitted she found my envelope, unopened, on her desk, postmarked January 5. I actually DID make the deadline. She said she would look it all over and call me back in the afternoon. That was 2 days ago...

With regard to Nurses House, they wrote asking for my most recent W2 forms. I had to send 2010 W2s, because I haven't gotten any from 2011 yet, so nothing from them either.

In the meantime, I learned that my employer has a "humanitarian" fund set up for employees in need due to unfortunate events, but unfortunately, per diem/PRN employees aren't eligible. Of course they're not.

I'm also continuing my pursuit of temporary assistance to get me through the financial nightmare of being uninsured, and unable to work. That's not going so well, with trying to get medical coverage, but I might be able to get some food stamps. If I can get them, then the hospital will void my bills.

I must say honestly, the Social Service workers in my county could not be nicer. I am being treated with kindness, sympathy, and dignity by everyone I am in contact with. This, of course, doesn't mean I'm going to be eligible for any help, but at least they are being nice about it. I haven't heard a word back from Nurses House.

After the first set of forms went in, I had a telephone interview and was told I would be sent additional forms to complete, which slows the process down quite a bit and there is a tight deadline to submit them. I can't get my doctors to call me back in a short time frame, let alone get them to fill out an 8 page form for me. But if the paperwork isn't in by the deadline, my case gets closed and I have to start the application process all over again.

This seems a bit unfair to me. Social Services must realize I have no control over my doctor or my bank, and I certainly don't have control over my employers! I could only submit the forms for completion, and pray they get to Social Services in the 3 days that I have left.

If my case gets closed because the forms didn't make it in on time, I probably will not pursue it any farther. It's actually become more work than working!

Not having my per diem hospital salary is a huge loss, and the medical bills are starting to pile up. I still haven't heard from anyone regarding any of my assistance applications, and it's been 3 weeks. But at least the brand new drug Dificid seems to have knocked out my C. diff infection, so that's one major ray of sunshine!

I spent the better part of an afternoon filling out more assistance application paperwork, this time to Nurses House. At least this application was pretty short; only 6 pages long. I had to fill in my demographics, medical history, a very detailed financial statement and a narrative describing what kind of help I want from them. Of course, there's also the medical statement form that has to be filled out by the doctor. I am really hopeful they will come through for me in some way, because I have not only donated money to them, I have actually held fundraisers in the past for them during Nurses Week. They are a wonderful organization, and do a great deal of good work and deserve your support. Please go to their website and consider giving a donation. Remember, you just might be giving me a hand as well!

I have a form that the bank has to fill out verifying my very low accounts, one to my employer verifying my job, and of course, the one from the doctor. I printed two of those; one for the GI doc, and one for the ortho doc.  My goal here is not to depend on the government forever, but to just maybe get some help with all the medical bills that are starting to pile up. My plan was to retire in January 2013, and I still hope to meet that goal, so this will only be temporary...I hope.

Anyway, I had to go to the GI doc to sign a very important paper. Driving with a broken hip is not something I would recommend, but I live alone, the neighbors were out, and I don't have cab fare. Oh well. The only good news is that I qualify for a free full prescription of a new Rx for C Diff just approved for use by the FDA this past May. The twice-a-day for 10 days treatment costs $3,000 at the local Wal-Mart. Vancomycin is about $2,000 cheaper, but they didn't offer a patient assistance plan and I can't come up with $100, let alone $1,000. So thank-you Optimer Pharmaceuticals!

I had to sign the request form along with the GI doc, it gets faxed to the company, and the Rx is delivered to my door the next day. Let's hope it's the magic bullet that the company says it is. I promise to let you know how it works.

The bad news is that the GI doc wouldn't fill out my disability forms because, "His patients work full time everywhere with diarrhea...Crohn's patients, IBS patients..." Wasn't worth arguing about, so I'll just hope the ortho doc comes through.

Next I'm gearing up to apply for Social Security Disability.