New Page in My Book
So, after weeks of feeling uncertain, crying, screaming in fear and anger, feeling lost and in a very dark place, I had no other choice than to stop my studies. I never realized I was so lost and in danger of total collapse until it finally happened to me. After a year of emotional ups and downs, and not dealing with it all like I should have, it broke me.
So, now I had to stop my studies, and I was told by my doctor to take some medication to help me relax and deal with the loss I had experienced and to go and see someone to face everything. I was so upset and apprehensive, because I thought I was a nurse I know how to deal with loss and grieve, keep busy and focus on something else... boy was I an Idiot.
With loss the whole game changes for us, it steals from us time and joy...and when we try and cope on our own, we die a little bit every day inside, without knowing it. When we finally look up from our dark little corner of life we realize we are all alone, not because our loved ones don't want to be around us, but because we isolated ourselves so much we didn't give them a choice.
But. . .
Now I am starting to feel like a human being again, slowly breathing a little bit better, and starting over in a new place, away from the memories of the past. And every day, living more and more. Now when I think about him I see his beautiful smile, his ginger hair and sexy dimples, his beautiful blue eyes. I hear his laugh again, everyday a little bit clearer...I feel his hand touching mine. And I feel reassured that he is still with me and watching over me.
And the most incredible thing happened to me...I found out just how strong I really am, and that realization brought about such a change in me. I believe more, I trust again, I laugh again until I cry from joy and not hurt. I dance around my room in my undies to my favorite songs and sing at the top of my lungs...why....because I am alive and I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my Heavenly Father.
So, now I look life square in the eye and smile because I know where my strength comes from and that an amazing future is just around the corner...and that Cape Town, my new home is waiting for me...
So I say BOOOOOOOYAAAAAAAI MADE IT!!!
A new strong and sexy woman