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Self-Loathing or Loving? That is the Question.

Published November 14, 2016 11:11 AM by Leatitia Coetzee
So I want to become a model, feel better about myself, maybe change the way the world perceives a fuller woman.

Today I went for an audition and while I was there, feeling confident and ready for the whole photo-op and interview on why I want to do this, I was blindsided by the photographer. He casually dropped into our conversation that, although I was pretty, I needed to lose weight. That was my only chance of "making it" as a model.

I felt sick to my stomach, all the blood drained from my face, and it felt like someone had punched me in the gut. Probably sensing my mood, he laughed and corrected his previous statement with, "Oh, hun, do not misunderstand, I am not saying you aren't beautiful. You are, but you can be so much more beautiful if you lost some weight. It would make it so much easier for you."

Good Lord, this man had no finesse. I could have strangled him with his camera cord.

But was he right? 

We look up to Hollywood glamour, how the celebrities look, what they wear and say. We buy the glossy magazines and follow the latest trends, all the while measuring ourselves against them. We eat less to be skinny, throw up everything we eat, and count calories.

We buy things we cannot afford to be a part of the society we think we should belong to. But who really decides who belongs and who doesn't? Who decided that curvy girls are "unattractive" and unhealthy? And that skinny girls are beautiful and healthy? 

I am a cardiac nurse. I am strong and Christian. I am smart and independent. I take care of myself and those I love. I am witty and I can laugh at myself. I make a mean cup of coffee, and I can dance until the sun comes up. Is that not enough? 

Why does my body type put me into a category? Why should that define me, and why do I let it upset me? Goodness, I wish I had the answer for that last one. All I know is people can be so mean, and words do hurt. It can alter your mood, your day, your life. People will never change, but I can change how I react to what they say and do.

So I decided to put on my big girl pants and face whatever comes my way with the beautiful and bright smile that God blessed me with or at least fake it until I make it. I hope as nurses, we can teach out patients the same.

Besides, not everyone can handle my curves like I can.

#curvesrule #largerthanlifebeauty #beauty #intheeyeofthebeholder #willnotbedefined #dreams #keeponkeepingon

2 comments

Thank you so much Diane Goodman. I appreciate the advice, and I will do. Thank you for taking the time to read my posts. Truly amazing. Have a blessed christmas

Leatitia Coetzee December 19, 2016 1:45 AM

One careless remark should never define who or what we are; we are so much more than what is visible on the surface. If you read the autobiographies of successful models, many were initially told they would be unsuccessful if they didn't change (e.g.) Cindy Crawford's mole, Ashley Graham's lovely full figure. I hope we waste not one more second on what some idiot tells us is beautiful but learn instead to applaud one another: curves, idiosyncrasies, and all!!

Life is tough enough as it is. Good luck!

Diane Goodman, NP November 29, 2016 10:11 AM
WI

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