Busywork Order & Rank, Inclusive of Non-Graded Materials for Education (BORINGME assessment tool)
The following is a new assessment tool developed by myself and several colleagues (also known as me) in conjunction with Temple University (also known as I hope I don't get sued for making that up). The BORINGME assessment tool observes and evaluates the approximate level and skill of busywork tasks frequently encountered in day-to-day life in graduate school. Items are ranked in several ways, including graded or non-graded, in class versus out of class, group or individual, involving presentation or not, etc. Areas covered include:
- Wiki posts. Add an extra point if at least five people post the same journal article and an extra two points if everyone posts in a different place, making it impossible to actually tell who did the assignment and who didn't.
- Anything involving an assessment that doesn't actually require giving or practicing the assessment. Add five points if the assessment is outdated and hasn't been used in 10 or more years.
- E-mail responses to events or lectures. Add three points for every response you receive that discusses the lecture in vague terms which causes you to suspect that the student doesn't actually know what they are responding to.
- Out of class activities that have no foreseeable relation to in class material. Add fifteen points if it includes forcing students to wake up early, spend money they don't have, carpool with people they don't like, or feign interest in the things that only you are interested in.
- Using scratch-offs to go over exam answers. Add five points if the scratch-off material is found to be carcinogenic in the state of California and fifty if students already resent you for giving a difficult test.
- Anything involving Disney princesses. Add ten points for each time you forget that your students are all over the legal drinking age. Add one hundred if your students resort to drinking in class.
- Unnecessary group activities. Add two points for each time you overhear groups talking about other things. Subtract five points each time a group successfully presents their findings to the class even though they did not actually do the activity. Add twenty for each student who gets up and walks out, if applicable.
- Assessments of stress, wellness, or quality of life. Add 15 points for each student who actually states that they did not previously realize they are inhumanly stressed, bordering on grievously unwell, or living below the poverty line and means it.
- Portfolios. You receive no points and may God have mercy on your soul. (One point if you recognize what movie that is from)
- And many more!!!
Scoring is on a scale of 0-200. Interpretation is as follows:
151-200: You are in imminent danger of being poison-darted by your students.
125-150: That look in their eyes isn't stress. Consider soothing aromatherapy or a gift of food.
100-124: When you think your students are talking about you, they probably are, and it isn't to compliment your outfit.
75-99: You need to reconsider your use of busywork. It may turn your previously vivacious and intelligent students into disgruntled drones.
50-74: You're pushing it, professor.
1-49: Busywork levels are tolerable. Your students probably like you.
Test booklets, scoring sheets, and other educational resources for the BORINGME are available at the following website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire.