Trusting our Health Care Team
Hi, again! I'm afraid you caught me in another "I wonder how people can BE that way" mood! I'll try to keep the frustration from weasling its way into my "voice" today; but it will be difficult. So, let me tell you my story and get it over with.
As an occupational therapist, I have had the distinct pleasure of working in both the adult and pediatric populations. It has been very clear to me over the years that connecting with clients and their loved ones is an integral part of a team's responsibility with both populations. Right? Maybe, however, it isn't as obvious to everyone in the health care field. Perhaps I have taken too much for granted when I apply my values to other members of a health care team. As an occupational therapist, I felt it my responsibility to provide clients, their families and fellow team members with an honest assessment of the client's skills and needs. That was my connection with them...they could trust me to hold up my part of the bargain. When one abuses that trust, it hurts those who were misguided. And it is difficult to predict if they will ever trust in you again.
My mother-in-law had her 92nd birthday on November 2. Yeah! She is currently residing in a nursing home in Central New York, about 5 1/2 hours from our home in Massachusetts. Although our daughter and my mom live close to John's mom, and they visit her often, my husband and I have placed a great deal of trust in the staff at the nursing home. We have to. Short of moving back to Central New York, we don't have any other option. We understand that no system is perfect and that there are times when necessity precludes the "nice-to-haves." But, we do expect the team to be honest with us. THAT is a necessity.
On mom's birthday, I participated in a conference call for her annual review. Since we were planning a trip the following weekend to see her, we were unable to physically attend this meeting also. We were confident that things were going along pretty well with her since we had not heard of any issues from nursing or social work in the past month or so. So, I go into this meeting in a positive frame of mind, with only two areas of concern for John and myself: We would like to see her walking more to keep up her strength and would like to ensure that she is reminded about church services, since she seems to feel that she is missing them each week.
After the team members provide their individual reports - indicating that all is well and that she is doing fine - I bring up our areas of concern. I state that we are concerned about her very limited ability to ambulate even short distances with the walker to a bathroom. I emphasize to them that her greatest joy when we come to visit is to go out to eat. We are a family that has always contributed to the economy by eating many, many meals out! She misses that and we want to keep providing her with opportunities to dine out. I mention my concern that "all handicapped bathrooms are not created equal" and that mom's weakness limits our choices of restaurants. So, everyone jumps on the bandwagon, throwing out restaurant ideas and offering to look into accessibility for us! Great, I think, they are soooo helpful!
Later that evening, I email my daughter, Veda, who has visited mom three times in the past 4 days, and mention to her that we found a great new handicap-accessible restaurant to take Grandma to on Friday to celebrate her birthday! Not two minutes later, Veda calls me. Hesitantly, she says, "Mom, I dreaded having to make this call. I had hoped that the nursing home team would have told you." I'm thinking - What could it be? Veda indicated that Grandma is having trouble with continence and would probably find it very difficult to go out to eat. Well, ok, the team nurse did say that she was having a "bit of incontinence". Well, I thought, she IS 93. So, I ask Veda to expand on her concern. Apparently, during Veda's visits, mom has experienced many periods of incontinence due to the medication addressing her CHF and has needed to change her clothing many times during the visit.
You can imagine my distress. Here I was going on and on about finding a suitable restaurant to take her to the following weekend, and engaging in a search for a perfect location with the staff members, when it was all a moot point. Mom was not going to be able to take that trip after all. Why didn't someone tell me? Why would anyone, health care professional or not, want our mom to be embarrassed in public and spoil her birthday? If they felt they did not want to discuss this topic in front of her at the meeting, then why didn't someone call me back afterward and let me know the situation? I can only describe my emotions as being "hurt." I felt hurt for mom, who was in the meeting, and was led on to believe that we would be taking her out on Friday! I felt hurt for myself, as a family member, that I was led so far astray in my good intentions. I felt hurt for my husband when he came to realize that his trust had been abused. Yes, hurt. That's the only way I can describe it.
Connecting with others, on any level, requires a certain amount of trust. Sure, connecting with the waste management team who collects your garbage every Thursday requires a different kind of trust than is required of a health care team. If the waste management team forgets to pick up my garbage one Thursday, I will live to tell about it. If the health care team fails to tell me important details about mom's needs, I will feel betrayed.
Connecting....trust...what more can I say?
Until next time, I trust you will
Stay Connected!
Katherine