Admitting this is something that makes me feel very guilty, but over the past month, I haven't been able to find motivation for anything related to physical therapy school. In general, I'm a person who has never had a problem with motivation or maintaining focus. In fact, I usually find it disrespectful when people do not put forward their best efforts. To suddenly find myself on this side of the fence is both discouraging and unsettling. From the time I started the program, I was so enthusiastic about everything that I was learning and eager to apply it whenever possible. Lately, that couldn't be less accurate. For whatever reason, I just can't find the motivation that I used to have.
I don't think it's a lack of interest in what I'm learning. I still find the material interesting and I can absolutely see how important it is. (Let's face it - at this point, just about everything we learn has obvious clinical relevance). But for some reason, once I'm out of class and away from the "learning" environment, I just don't want to look at it anymore. I don't want to do the additional readings, study, practice for practicals, or anything. What's worse is that I know how essential all of this information is, yet I still can't find the drive to put out a better effort. And I can't figure out why my attitude has changed! It's really frustrating.
I've done a lot of soul searching about this, and I think it's related in part to how exhausting the first year was. I really feel like I lost myself for a while there. I managed to keep up with some hobbies, but most of the time that came by sacrificing things like sleep, seeing family, and alone time. I think there was a breaking point, perhaps when I went abroad and felt like I got my life back, and I just can't force myself to go at that pace again. Irresponsibly, school seems to be the piece of the puzzle that is receiving the least attention. My non-academic life, on the other hand, is better than it has been in a long time.
My goal is to find a balance between physical therapy school and fun that still allows me to relax every now and then. What's most important is finding the motivation to be a better student. I know it's in there somewhere, it's just a matter of sparking it again!