The Waiting Game
It's been one month since we interviewed for our yearlong internships, and we're not any closer to knowing what the future holds for our clinical experiences than we were at the start of the semester. As of now, we're hanging on the program's every word as the faculty and staff try to piece together placements for all 54 students and attempt to keep everyone happy. I'm sure it's not an easy job, but this waiting game is torturous.
The longer I wait, the more I start to second-guess the way I ranked my preferences. My top choice was inpatient neuro rehab, which happens to be one of the most competitive internships in the program. With a limited number of placement options, it's a highly contested and sought-after clinical and I can't help but hear the voices in the back of my head saying, "Lauren, you should have picked something else."
It'll all be great if I get what I'm hoping for, but if I'm disappointed I'm obviously going to regret choosing such a competitive field. I'm also starting to recognize "mistakes" I made in the interview as time goes on. The longer I wait, the more I feel like I completely blew it. I know that's probably not true, but the mistakes always linger in your mind for so much longer than the positive parts do.
I remember feeling very relieved when the interview process was over because it was finally out of my hands -- I had done all I could to prepare, and the rest was up to the interviewers and our faculty. Now that we've gone a month without any indication of where we stand, I take that back. I'm not relieved, but instead feel completely helpless! Next year's clinical will be such an important part of my education and career, and I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to endure this waiting game.