Canines, Kids and Clients (Part 1)
Puppies learn social behavior boundaries when they are 3-7 weeks old, playing and interacting with littermates--behaviors like bite inhibition: how hard I can bite before my littermate squeals in pain and won't play with me anymore. Gradually the puppy learns to adjust the strength of his bite from just playing to an all out attack. According to Dr. Dodman, "Playing helps puppies learn what does and doesn't offend others, how to say ‘I'm sorry,' and how to assert themselves to get what they want." If a puppy is removed from littermates during this time, not all social behavior will be learned. An interrupted learning period can result in an adult dog with behavior problems. Like canines, kids and clients can also be adversely affected when their natural learning is disturbed.
Like canines, human parents instinctively protect our young. We childproof our home, use parental controls on TVs and computers, and closely monitor our children on the playground. But sometimes we come to little Johnny's rescue too quickly. When we jump in to save our children from harmful consequences--physical or social, we are depriving them of the opportunity to learn valuable skills on their own. Just like that puppy who learns bite inhibition from his siblings, children learn valuable social boundaries from their peers: how to "play nice" with others.
This is one of my biggest parenting challenges--walking the fine line between when to let my children learn from the school of hard knocks and when to intervene. When I see a child mistreat one of my kids, my first instinct is to run in and save the day. As they grow older, I'm learning to hold back and let them fight their own battles.
We got a small 4-½ pound Maltese for Christmas two years ago. Bo is highly tolerant of my children's handlings...when he is not quick enough to scamper out of their reach. He will give warning growls, but he never bites hard enough to deter them. Despite our best efforts to teach my son, Jake, how to be gentle with Bo, he still persists in pestering him. Last summer Jake encountered Coco, my sister's 70 pound Rotweiller mix. She was not so tolerant of being boy handled. One snap from her strong jowls sent Jake scampering. He gave Coco a wide birth the rest of our visit. Coco accomplished in one snap what I failed to teach in two years of lectures. Experience is by far the better teacher.
Certainly there are some lessons too dangerous for children to learn the hard way. On the other hand, sometimes the greatest long term protection we can give a child is a little short term pain. Children learn responsibility from enduring the unlovely consequences that result from their actions. When we rescue our kids from all of life's harsh realities, we set them up for failure.
Next week, we'll look at how that is also true for our clients.
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Information in first paragraph taken from "Best Behavior-Unleashing Your Dog's Instinct to Obey" from "The Good Dog Library" from Tufts University. Scientific Editor: Dr. Nicholas H. Dodman