It's Easy For You
My two pre-teen daughters and I were cleaning baseboards when a scuffle broke out. Lauren interrupted Hannah—again. Instead of telling Lauren this interruption was frustrating, Hannah blurted out, "Go ahead, it was your idea to tell the story in the first place." The sarcasm was wasted on Lauren, who joyfully proceeded to give a full account of the event.
I stopped Lauren and encouraged Hannah to express her emotions. After a few complaints of: "I can't do this," she did. She told Lauren how frustrated she was and that she wanted to be able to tell the story herself without interruptions. Lauren willingly complied and Hannah finished her story.
Later I spoke with Hannah alone. I explained that her younger sister does not desire to annoy her (most of the time). She gets carried away and just does her own thing—which is exasperating, but sarcasm doesn't help anyone. When you don't appropriately deal with a situation, resentment takes root. But you end up resenting the offending party who never had the opportunity to apologize because you never told them they upset you. That just doesn't make sense: to spend time being angry at someone who doesn't even know they have upset you. She realized all this, but frustration overwhelmed her. That is when she said, "It's easy for you."
No, it isn't. It is just a matter of making the right choice...doing what is uncomfortable now because it will feel better in the long run. But making the right choices over time does make the process easier...I've had more practice. And I forget that...a lot.
I forget that my kids are kids. I forget how overwhelming life seemed when I was 4 and 6 and 10 and 12. I forget I have 30+ years on them. I forget I wasn't born knowing how to do laundry. I forget how complicated some tasks seemed at first. I forget that navigating emotions used to be maddening. I forget that someone had to teach me. I forget that I had to learn. I forget that I didn't learn after being shown just one time.
When I was a PT student, my instructors didn't show me a skill one time and then release me to perform that skill independently on an unwitting patient! But that is what I do to my kids. I demonstrate how to make their beds-once-and then tell them to do it the next morning. I show them one time how to run the vacuum and leave them to do it alone. And then I get frustrated when they don't do it perfectly. Madness.
I wonder how many times I've done that to a new hire? Have I shown them our procedures--one time--and then expected them to "get it" because it was easy to me...having long since forgotten how confusing that same paper trail was on my first day?
Just because it is easy for me today, doesn't mean it has always been easy. Who can you extend the hand of patience to today?