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The Busy PT's Guide to Finding Balance

Balancing Expectations

Published July 16, 2008 2:51 PM by JANEY GOUDE

Life isn't about avoiding storms, but about learning to dance in the rain.

Most of my life's storms result from those everyday events that pop up like little twirling tornados and send me into a tailspin. More and more I'm realizing they usually come from a predictable and avoidable source: my unmet expectations. 

Whether at home or at work, my expectations impact how I act in any given situation.

How often I get annoyed because someone doesn't deliver the behavior I expect! My co-worker doesn't give me a message in a timely manner. My client doesn't show up for his appointment or call to cancel. My husband doesn't take out the overflowing trash before he leaves for work. My kids don't clean up their mess after fixing a snack. No matter who I'm talking about, if my expectations for behavior aren't met, I get cranky. 

Here's the rub, I don't really have a right to get bent out of shape because no one is duty-bound to meet my expectations. My expectations are a reflection of my priorities. Not everyone's priorities are the same as mine.  Different priorities result in different expectations and different behaviors. I can't take it personally; others just see the situation differently.   

So, what happens when I adjust my expectations? I've found if I can go into a situation without expecting specific behaviors from others, I'm not going to be disappointed. When I am prepared for others to act according to their own priorities, I'm able to respond rather than react. 

Today, instead of an attitude adjustment, try an expectation adjustment. 

Can you remember a time when your expectations caused conflict?  Do you have ideas for changing your expectations? Share with us!

posted by JANEY GOUDE
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4 comments
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Paula, I do understand what you are talking about.  I actually thought about that aspect when I was writing.  This is where it gets confusing...where the balance comes in.    

I've written such a long response, and this is such a great issue you've raised, that I'm going to use it for next Tuesday's post!  I hope you'll post your thoughts again!

Warmly,

Janey
Janey Goude July 31, 2008 2:20 PM

I love the way you look at things but sometimes I think I let my kids down and they don't do things or think more of themselves cause I didn't have higher expectations and said just that.   I understand it's God's plan not mine but I do expect my kids to clean up after themselves and I do expect them to use manners and common sense.   Does that make sense?  

Paula Nordheim, Admin Asst. July 29, 2008 12:08 PM
Cincinnati OH

I liked your perspective on expectations. I tend to think others should have the same priorities that I do. This will be very helpful in dealing with my friend who is perpetually late to everything!
Bonita July 22, 2008 9:56 AM

Although we had our day, now my husband and I are retired so that puts us in a  scenario different than a young, busy family.  With our declining ability we are having to share the tasks of running our home.  When he retired, so did I.  We became homemakers.  Where I used to get irritated when certain things weren't done when I felt they should have, I am beginning to realize there are days when one of us or perhaps both at the same time, aren't physucally up to doing even the simpliest of chores.  So we are really retired!
Tommie Osland July 17, 2008 2:04 PM
Lexington SC

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