Expect Mistakes, Not Mediocrity
I was writing a response to a comment on "Balancing Expectation" (blog post 7/16) when I realized it really deserved a post of its own. Paula writes, "...sometimes I think I let my kids down and they don't do things or think more of themselves cause I didn't have higher expectations and said just that."
Paula makes a good point. This is really where the balancing comes into play. We cannot expect mediocrity or we will raise mediocre children. We should not expect mediocrity from our employees or productivity and morale will suffer. Don't expect mediocrity, but do expect mistakes.
Expect a kid to be a kid. A kid's job is to make mistakes. My job as a parent is to respond appropriately, to let them experience the consequences of mistakes so they can learn from them. I often find myself expecting my children to act like adults, or like perfect children--either of which is beyond any child's ability. So when they mess up, I perceive it as a failure--their failure and my failure. I take it personally. My feeling as a failure often causes me to react out of emotion instead of respond out of a place of reason.
When I don't factor in their humanity--that they will make mistakes--my responses are out of proportion to the mistake. When I can remember they are still learning and that making mistakes is a natural part of that process, I am able to respond to this natural, normal occurrence in a calm and controlled manner.
My kids will make mistakes. What I've come to realize is that their mistakes don't necessarily reflect on my parenting. Though they may, I can't use this as an excuse to negate my parental responsibility or I am breeding mediocre parenting. But my responses or reactions to their mistakes will always reflect on my parenting.
Adults make mistakes, too. Whether at home or at work, the key is twofold:
Don't expect perfection.
Allow them the benefit of experiencing the consequences of their mistakes.
Experience is the best teacher. Allow adults and children the opportunity to make mistakes and to learn from them. When learning doesn't occur, well, that's a whole other post.