Bringing Balance to our People-Pleasing
"It's important to have a little guilt in life. And feeling bad can accomplish a heap of good." --Dr. Kevin Leman, Have a New Kid by Friday
In this excerpt Dr. Leman is speaking to parents who prevent children from suffering the consequences of their decisions and actions because the parents don't want little Johnny to feel bad. Those parents are people-pleasers. If they are doing it to their kids, they are probably doing it to their spouses, to their friends, and at work.
For as long as I can remember I've been a people-pleaser, never wanting anyone to be upset. Truth is, that isn't good for anyone. Not for my employer, my clients, my husband, my kids, or any of my relationships.
Are you a people-pleaser? Are you someone who surrounds him/herself with people-pleasers? If you are either one, you aren't living up to your full potential. You also aren't empowering those around you to aspire to their highest level of greatness.
When you people-please, you are really saying: "I don't believe in you." By preventing another person from facing their own consequences (a child who doesn't do homework) or dealing with unpleasant circumstances (having to find someone else to serve on that committee), you communicate that you think they are incapable. You chose to do something you don't want to do because you think the other person lacks the fortitude to face an unpleasant event. Your actions rob that person of the opportunity to prove to him/herself that he/she is a remarkable individual with talent and character.
People-pleasers are also motivated by personal insecurity. They can't bring themselves to disappoint friends, family, and co-workers because they don't trust the relationship to survive difficulty. If a relationship can't thrive despite times of disappointment, then that relationship is not worthy of your time investment. When you people-please or surround yourself with people-pleasers, you cheat yourself out of quality relationships.
We shouldn't deliberately cause others harm. But it's okay to feel bad sometimes. And it's okay to let someone feel bad as a result of their actions; you don't have to make it all better. Good can come from feeling bad.
Challenge yourself and those around you to reach your full potential by holding each other accountable for decisions and actions.
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30 Day Shred Update:
Day 10: Completed Level 1 workout without a rest!
I can now do the imaginary jump rope staying nearly in one place. No more touring the living room!
(See 5-27-09 post on Balancing Obesity for original blog content)