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The Busy PT's Guide to Finding Balance

Avoid Sender's Remorse

Published November 2, 2012 2:20 PM by Janey Goude

Do you ever have email sender's remorse? You know, that boulder in the pit of your stomach that says, "Why, oh why, did you push that send button so swiftly? Why couldn't you have waited just one second?"

Our world moves at warp speed. We're used to living our lives in the drive-thru. Impulse-living lends itself to regret. Decisions made too hastily result in less-than-optimal decisions. Technology -- amazing though it is -- contributes to sender's remorse by making composing and sending email too easy.

Emails are quick to write, taking less time to compose than a handwritten letter.

  • Typing is faster than writing.
  • No eraser smudges or white-out marks.
  • How easy are those delete and backspace functions?
  • Who doesn't love copy and paste?

Emails are quick to send, arriving at their destination in seconds.

  • With a tap of a button, the correspondence zips through cyberspace.
  • No dashing to the post office, darting in and out of traffic.
  • No waiting in line to buy stamps.
  • No waiting for days for the postal service to deliver my letter to its intended.

Perhaps the ease of composing and sending email has lessened the respect we have for it. The deluge in our inbox compels us to view emails as common, lowering their value. We have so many responses to make and so little time. In our haste, we become careless in our word choices. That's just in our email. What about Facebook and Twitter posts?

Is your stomach in knots just reading this -- thinking of emails and posts you wish you could get back? The good news is, avoiding sender's remorse -- while it may not be easy -- is quite simple. Employ the same principles you'd use for avoiding buyer's remorse:

1. Stop!

2. Take a deep breath.

3. Ask, "Do I have to respond to/send this right now?"

 a) Hint: The answer is almost always, "No!"

4. Click away -- email's version of walk away!

5. Revisit in a few hours or tomorrow.

6. Ask, "Do I need to respond to/send this at all?

 a) Will a response be helpful to the receiver?

 b) Is the email/post worth your investment of emotions, energy and time?

4 comments

Amy-lynn,

I'd never heard of that function. Thanks for the information.

The rest of your comment made me smile. I'm glad I'm not the only one who can take a while to simmer down. (Makes me think of the SNL skit.)

Over the decades, I've learned to delay even writing a response when I'm angry. (I'm afraid I'm far less successful in my verbal interactions.) I'll call a trusted friend who can act as a sounding board. I've found that voicing my frustration in a safe environment - saying it out loud, even letting my ugly parts show - often acts as a more effective release valve than a written response.

I appreciate your honesty and taking the time to share.

Janey Goude November 6, 2012 9:37 PM

Gmail has a slight delay where you can recall a sent email. Maybe they should give us the option of choosing how long we want that delay to be. Mine would be "As long as it takes me to get over my fit of anger"...And that could be a loooooong time. :-)

Amy-lynn November 6, 2012 11:41 AM

Ruth,

Great litmus test not only with emails but with any interaction.

Thanks!

Janey Goude November 5, 2012 2:00 PM

My test is:  If the person I'm sending this to should pass away tomorrow, am I happy this was my last message to him/her?  If not, delete!

ruth November 5, 2012 11:55 AM

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