Are you trying to perform tasks but find you consistently come up short? Maybe you are working outside of your skill set. 

As I watch a squirrel, his tiny cheeks chock full of nuts, I marvel at how easily he can crack open the shells.  This feat is made all the more impressive because of his diminutive size. My relative giant-like stature and comparatively inferior nut-cracking skills only raise the squirrel's status in my eyes.

The average squirrel weighs about a pound. One pound. Let's just say I've got him beat in a "hands down" fashion. He is about 18" in length.  While I don't have quite as impressive an advantage in this department, I am considerably longer than he is. Given my size, I should be able to outdo him on any task requiring sheer physical force. But I can't.

I wasn't given razor sharp teeth that can effortlessly pierce solid material. While I outweigh and outmeasure the squirrel, he can outmaneuver me. I just don't have the right skill set to efficiently perform this task.

Whether at home or at work, consider the duties that are frustrating, awkward, or difficult for you. Speak to someone you trust and ask them to help evaluate how you are applying your skill set to everyday responsibilities. Maybe it's time to outsource some of your duties. Outsource doesn't necessarily mean you pay a professional. 

Outsource can be enlisting the help of your co-workers, spouse or children. When we have something to do in the evenings my husband often does the dishes. I'm capable, but I'm slow. He looked at me the other night and said, "I just saved you thirty minutes!" Inefficiency is an excellent reason to outsource.

Outsource can be accomplished by bartering with friends or local business people for services. Bartering is an old custom that is coming back into vogue with our current economic slowdown. Think outside of the box regarding how you can trade services.

Outsource may mean you pay for a service. You have to determine what it is worth to you not to have to do that frustrating task. You may choose to refigure the budget to pay someone to take over a responsibility you are not equipped to do well. 

When you are working within your skill set, the duties you perform will come as easily to you as a squirrel cracking a nut. Outsourcing is simply the process of discovering that you are not a squirrel, that you have a nut to crack, and that it will get cracked more completely and efficiently if you find a squirrel to crack it. When you enlist the help of the right squirrel, you will also discover that you now have extra time to use your talents to create more revenue or simply to enjoy life more fully. Let's get crackin'!

In retrospect, he knew it was a bad move almost immediately...definitely within the first week.  We lasted sixteen painful, agonizing months before we relocated.  We still feel the repercussions of gutting it out.  What is it about making a decision that makes us feel like we have to stay the course? 

Sometimes the fortitude to remain in a trying situation results in a positive outcome.  Character is forged when we press through in difficult circumstances.  But sometimes staying the course wreaks havoc.  Unfortunately it can be hard to tell the difference when you are sitting in the middle of it.

I was talking to a friend and she shared how her mom was forced to marry her first husband.  She knew the marriage was wrong before she walked the aisle, but her mom made her go through with the wedding because the invitations had already been sent out. A year later she was divorced.

My mother-in-law cancelled her wedding just a few days before she was to walk down the aisle. They actually had to leave a sign on the church door because they couldn't reach everyone. She called off that wedding because she met my father-in-law.  Forty-five years later you can see the fruit of a life well lived...a life, well actually twelve lives so far, that wouldn't have been the same if she had succumbed to the pressure to stay the course of a wedding she knew was wrong.

Are you forging character or wreaking havoc?  Usually deep in our gut we know the difference.  We just need the courage to take action.

My next thought surprised and challenged me.  I was only able to experience those bad moments because I'm alive. The amazing gift of life makes those bad places possible.  However bad they are, they can't compare to the greatness of being alive. Because alive holds countless possibilities.

Then I was reminded of how fragile life can be.  A high school friend was recently told by medical experts that her possibilities are coming to an end.  In mid-September, at the age of 44, she was told she has 6-9 months to live.  Now my friend, her husband, and their four-year-old daughter are coming to terms with what life holds. 

My "spots" suddenly don't seem so bad.  "Bad" really is all in the perspective.

Are you focusing on the frustrating moments?  Or are you embracing the wonderful gift of life that makes those challenging moments possible? 

As your day comes to a close, think back through your day - hour by hour.  As you look at each hour, try to remember your day's Sun Spots: those positive occurrences that brighten your world.  If this mental process is too overwhelming at the end of a long day, try keeping a small notepad with you and jotting down Sun Spots as they happen; these are your Sun Spot Sightings. 

Start small.  Your Sun Spots don't have to be retina-searing bright, just little things that made you smile.  If you are in a difficult place, set the bar low - just try to remember a few moments that didn't make you frown! 

At the end of the day, do a mental review or look over your written Sun Spot Sightings.  Focus on the good your day brought and try to keep your mind fixed there.  End your day on a positive note.

You can allow dark spots to eclipse the good moments, or you can start using your daily Sun Spot Sightings to eclipse the darkness.  Here's to bright days ahead!

Having left my four children home alone, I scheduled the first morning appointment so I could slip in and out.  My teen was awake to receive anyone who made an appearance, but I truly expected to get home before they awoke.  My appointment was THAT early!  My efforts were for naught.  The wait time was excessive, especially considering I was the only one there.   

The receptionist was curt and inefficient.  I always prefer pleasant, polite, and courteous - but feel particularly entitled to be treated with kit gloves on this annual event!  However, if someone is going to cop an attitude, my personal philosophy is that the least they can do is be competent.  I can swallow someone's attitude a lot easier when they are doing their job well.  She wasn't.

She escorted me back to the changing room and gave me my lovely designer gown.  Once I was properly attired, she took me into the testing room.  Her mood was shifting with each phase of the process.  When she came floating pleasantly into the testing area, a light bulb went on for me. 

I realized she wasn't the receptionist, she was the radiology tech.  Now that she was in her element with the machines, she was an altogether different person:  conversational, pleasant, and very efficient.

I had made my appointment in a small satellite office intentionally, in an additional effort to reduce my wait time.  Apparently the tech and receptionist were the only two employees at that facility.  The receptionist was late or not coming in at all that day. 

When I arrived that morning, the tech was covering someone else's job.  That explained a lot.  While I appreciated her professional approach of not burdening the patient (me) with her troubles or excuses (i.e., "This isn't normally my responsibility"), this is one case where a brief explanation would have given me an altogether different first impression.  If she had said something like, "Please bear with me.  Our receptionist is running late.  It may take me a bit longer to get you registered, but we'll get you setup," I would have known her challenge and been sympathetic.  She could have explained the situation and still maintained her professionalism.

So, when do you hold your tongue, suck it up, and just do the work?  When do you give a short explanation of the circumstances?  Which approach do you think is more professional?

Mr. Magorium is the eccentric owner of a magical toy store.  At the ripe old age of 243, he decides it's his time to depart.  Mr. Magorium's young protégé, Molly Mahoney, isn't quite ready to say her goodbyes.  In an effort to ensure Mr. Magorium sees his 244^th birthday, Mahoney takes him to the hospital E.R. for an evaluation. 

Mutant, the accountant Mr. Magorium hired to put his financial affairs in order, comes to the hospital to offer his assistance.  Mutant has already begun the unenviable task of wading through 200+ years of neglected business finances, so he knows Mr. Magorium isn't one to cross his t's or dot his i's.  In a sincere attempt to help, Mutant asks Mahoney if Mr. Magorium is insured.  Offended, Mahoney asks him to leave. 

"I can stay," Mutant says with pleading puppy dog eyes. 

Unimpressed, Mahoney all but begs Mutant to take his leave.  As Mutant walks away, young Eric skates in.  Eric is a gifted boy who is misunderstood by his peers...a misfit in his own right.  He spends his afternoons with Mr. Magorium and Mahoney in the magical toy store.  Recently, he has taken to trying to befriend Mutant. 

"Don't be too hard on him, Mahoney." 

A frustrated Mahoney blurts out, "Mr. Magorium is dying and all Mutant wants to talk about is insurance." 

Showing wisdom beyond his years, Eric replies, "I know.  But it's all he knows."

When Mahoney arrives at the toy store the next morning, she finds an affable Mutant waiting on the park bench just outside.  Turns out he's been waiting on her for two hours - to offer an apology and another attempt at assistance, "You know, some people send flowers, or cards, or give people hugs.  I make sure their paperwork's all in order." 

Paperwork.  It's what Mutant does.  That's how he shows he cares.

Do you recognize when someone is trying to show they care?  Are you able to perceive when a client, friend, or loved one is giving you everything they have...when their everything isn't up to par with your expectations? 

Maybe those who frustrate us the most are like the well meaning Mutant:  an outsider who speaks a different language.  Perhaps we could all use a good interpreter now and then.

I watched a commercial with my teen daughter several weeks ago.  When it was over I asked her, "Based on this commercial, should you receive the vaccine?"  Her response was along the lines of, "Duh, yeaah."  So we had an eye-opening chat about why her father and I decided not to have her vaccinated.  None of the information we presented to her was in the commercial.

Where do you stand on the Gardasil issue?  What do you think about the advertisements?

Why would one parent (we'll call her Louise) surreptitiously take a daughter to get the vaccine without the knowledge of the other parent (let's call him Tim)?

Wanting to give the benefit of the doubt, I offered the excuse that perhaps Louise, the "informed" parent, bought into the dishonest advertising and felt the same way our daughter had, Duh, of course every young woman should have this vaccine.  Because it seemed such an obvious decision, Louise would have just assumed her husband, Tim, would agree.  My theory was immediately shot full of holes.  Louise was indeed informed; she is a nurse who knew exactly what the vaccine entailed.  The reason Louise didn't consult Tim: she knew he would have refused the vaccination for their child.   

Would you vaccinate your daughter without first discussing it with your spouse/the child's other parent?  If two parents disagree on their minor child receiving a vaccine, whose opinion should take precedence?  Do you think your medical experience gives you a heavier weight in these kinds of decisions? 

It's a taboo topic.  But the truth is if you are a woman, you deal with it.  If you are a man who has ever lived with a woman, you know about it, you sense it coming, and - if you're smart - you get out of its way!

I wish I could get out of its way, but I'm going to have to deal with it.  I'm coming to grips with the fact that a lot of life's unpleasantries these days are probably directly linked to hormonal imbalance.  I talked to my mom, which was a stretch for both of us - this is a taboo topic after all.  She said she didn't seek out medical care during menopause but looking back, she wishes she would have.  So I began doing some research.  Still haven't made a decision, but thought I'd share what I've learned.  Hope you'll do the same.

Menopause takes hormones to a whole new level.  The good news is "the change" heralds the end of an era of hormonal ups and downs.  The bad news is "the end" can last ten years and be more intense than the monthly cycle.

Menopause is actually a specific date in time: the last menstrual cycle.  Perimenopause is the correct term for what most mean when they say "menopause".  Perimenopause is that time period when "menopausal" symptoms rear their ugly heads:  night sweats that occur 24 hours a day, mood swings that make PMS look like a love pat, weight gain despite all efforts, hair loss, unilateral headaches of migraine proportion, and sleep disturbances that give way to fatigued days are only a few of a long list of symptoms hormonal imbalance can cause.

Interestingly some claim that if women will give their bodies the support it needs, menopause can be traveled symptom-free.  That's a road I'd like to be on!  I've found two distinct schools of thought.

The Medical Road

Diagnosis is most accurately made by saliva testing, which most insurances don't cover.  If your hormones are out of kilter, you can achieve hormonal balance with hormone supplements absorbed through the skin.  Right now bio-identical hormones are all the rage.  They reportedly have fewer side effects than synthetic hormones.  Most insurances don't pay for them either.

The Alternative Therapy Road

For a well trained medical professional, symptoms are all the testing needed to make a diagnosis.  If you give your body the support it needs in vitamin/mineral/herbal supplements, rest, proper diet, exercise, and stress control, your body will balance its own hormones naturally.  Most women need only three months of supplements to get in balance and then the body will continue to stay in balance, so long as you continue to treat it well.  A small percentage of women need a second round.  Two companies who follow this approach claim an 85%-90% success rate without the use of hormone supplements.

If you have endured hormonal imbalance will you share your story with us?  If you have had success with the either the medical or alternative therapy road will you share your journey?  If you have expertise in the area of hormonal balance, will you share your knowledge?

Though I was joking, my default setting was to seek an immediate remedy for the imminent inconvenience.  If there is one thing we Americans don't want to be, it is to be inconvenienced.

We live in a microwave mentality society.  We have drive-thru banking, drive-thru dry cleaning, and drive-thru eating.  We are one step away from drive-thru surgery.  We used to have drive-thru filling stations...now we have to get out of our cars and pump our own gas.  What were we thinking when we allowed all those gas attendants to slip away? 

Many of our client's want us to wave a magic wand and make their pain go away or make them walk again.  To come down too hard on them would be a tad hypocritical, though.  After all, we look for quick fixes, too:  in healing from sickness, weight loss, jobs, marriages and parenting.  The market is saturated with diet pills.  The phone book is replete with cosmetic surgeons and divorce lawyers. 

We aren't held accountable anymore for our own actions, in the workplace or on the home front.  There is a lot of talk about clients not taking responsibility for their own recovery.  Truth is, as a culture, we've allowed accountability and responsibility to silently slip from our modern vernacular.

When it comes to physical healing, we'd rather take a pill than provide our bodies with proper nutrients, rest, and exercise.  When it comes to our jobs, we'd rather find a new one than stick it out with imperfect bosses and co-workers.  Divorce attorneys advertise in mail out flyer packages because they know there are couples just waiting for someone to promise them immediate relief.  Our schools and juvenile detention facilities are full of children whose parents have taught them the art of instant gratification.  In what areas of your life have you looked for an easy way out? 

Eventually we come to the place where we realize the quick fix is a deceptive illusion that offers fulfillment but leaves only a trail of destruction.  If we want our clients to reach their maximum potential, we have to shatter the drive-thru illusion and restore the beauty of hard work and perseverance.

Arthur Itis is an excellent meteorologist.

I never used to believe this one.  Then I worked in home health.  I quit watching the news and began asking my patients for the next day's weather forecast.  They were far more accurate!  Now that I'm clicking off decades quicker than Superman can leap tall buildings, I may go apply for the weatherman's job myself.

Teething causes fever and diarrhea.

I didn't believe this one either.  How can a tooth coming in cause a fever or diarrhea?  Yet, the empirical evidence it there.  I've seen it in my own kids.  Turns out teething causes excess saliva that can have an effect on both ends of that poor baby.  Something in the additional saliva creates loose and acidic stools.  Not only is it messy, but it tears up their little hineys.  At the other end, the saliva can back up into the Eustachian Tubes.  Add a little bacteria and voila!  Instant ear infection with, you guessed it, that infamous teething fever.

In life, or in the clinic, when you see something happen over and over again, don't discount it because it doesn't make sense.  Research it from every angle until you unlock the mystery.  Happy sleuthing!

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Used properly, this question can screen potential applicants for a job opening.  Every office has a current set of skills that needs to be complemented, not duplicated.

As you are considering new hires, look at the overall team already in place.  What strengths are present?  You probably don't need another team player with those same strengths.  Consider where the team's weaknesses lie.  Look for a candidate who is strong where your team is weak.

If you are in an administrative position, identify your weaknesses then look for people in your organization who can come along side you to fill those voids. 

When all employees are strong in the same area and weak in the same area, a business is ill-equipped to meet the needs of its customers.  In our current economic climate, qualified candidates abound.  You don't have to fill an open position with a warm body.  You have the luxury of only hiring assets.

Typical assessments identify weaknesses and ask employees to improve on them.  Is that really where you want your staff investing their time - trying to achieve mediocre results in areas of weakness? 

We all have weaknesses.  No one is good at everything.  Granted we all must have minimal competencies.  In life we all need to be able to read and perform basic math skills. 

But beyond those minimal competencies, our life's pursuit will determine what areas we must develop.  A student who becomes a nuclear physicist will need a much different set of skills than a student who becomes the stay-at-home mother of ten children.

All PTs must have good documentation skills for reimbursement.  Yet, a therapist who works in industrial rehab will have different set of minimal competencies than a therapist who works at a children's hospital. 

Once we have achieved those minimal competencies, our time is better served investing in our strengths than shoring up our weaknesses.  Imagine an organization where the staff devoted their time to achieving greatness in their strengths? 

When I go to a professional for a service, I'm not interested in someone who can do an adequate job.  I want someone who is the best at what they do.  Would you rather have a team of mediocre jacks-of-all-trades or would your business fare better with a team of expert masters?

Are you still skeptical about how to handle those pesky weaknesses?  That's next week's blog.  For this week, just focus on greatness.

Thankfully it was only a dream.  But a dream that vivid, that intense, left me shaken and got me thinking.  How much do I miss? 

Some days are so hectic I feel like I hardly have time to breathe.  Some days I'm so consumed with life's details that I feel like I'm walking around in a daze, half asleep.  

Are there signals my loved ones or clients are putting out there for me that I'm sleeping through - signals too important to miss?

Life is filled with important matters and urgent issues.  Like the squeaky wheel that gets the grease, urgent issues often overshadow important matters. 

My husband wants me to sit quietly with him in the living room, but I need to squirrel away in the office to meet a deadline.  My teen daughter wants me to go with her to get a manicure, but I have to go get milk and cereal at the grocery for our morning's breakfast.  My client's family wants to speak with me about discharge planning but I still have eight patients I must treat before I can go home.

There will always be urgent issues pressing me.  But with a little conscious effort, I can slow down and think through my decisions, weighing the important against the urgent.

My dream was a wake up call.  There is a lot of life to be missed when I sleepwalk through my days.  A dear friend said something to me that has become my new favorite quote, "Today is my favorite memory.  Every day we make a new memory."

I don't want to miss another moment, another memory.

I know what you're thinking:  But saying, "Yes!" is what gets us in to this mess!

No.  Saying, "Yes!" indiscriminately gets us into this mess.  Here are some guidelines to bring balance to our "YES!"

RESPOND

You've heard of impulse shopping.  Rehearse - and then use - the following responses to reduce the chance of saying "yes" on impulse, then regretting it later. 

• Practice this first response:

"That sounds like a worthy project.  Let me think it over, check my schedule, and get back with you next week." 

• Practice this second response:

"I understand your urgency, but I can't commit without giving this some thought and checking my schedule.  So if you need an answer right now, then I'll have to say, ‘No.'" 

THINK IT THROUGH

• Evaluate the opportunity as it aligns with your personal mission statement. 

You need to know what your personal goals are in life before you can decide if an opportunity is a valuable use of your time.  Your personal mission statement doesn't have to be formal or fancy.  A mission statement simply helps you make objective decisions.

• Evaluate the opportunity in light of your schedule.

You only have 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week.  You can't make more time.  Be realistic.  If you are scratching your head trying to figure out when you will have time to shower, chances are you've said "yes" one too many times!

FOLLOW UP

• Make sure you get back with people in the time frame you set forth.

A reasonable person will appreciate you for not taking on more than you can handle.  They will admire you for applying wisdom to your choices.  But you will lose people's respect if you fail to follow through on your promise to get back with them.

• If you are unable to help, suggest other resources for them to pursue.

You may know someone who would do an even better job than you!

If you feel guilty about saying "NO!", check out the blog post from 5-20-09 for some helpful tips.

I pressed through my fear and made the call.  The police cruiser on its way, I was ready for my final chores before heading off to bed:  the dog and the trash both needed to go outside.  My paranoid thoughts continued, He slashed their tires, obviously not a well man.  What's to keep him from using that slashing tool on me?  The dog peed on the carpet and the trash overflowed with clean up rags.  Both better options, I reasoned, than my children waking to a mangled mother.

We can argue whether my fears were well-reasoned, but clearly my behavior was determined by my fear.  Some fear-based behaviors are easy to identify because we put "-phobia" on the end of them and list them in the DSM-III.

But some fear-based behavior patterns elude DSM-III classification and are embraced as accepted societal norms.  We don't walk under a ladder because we are afraid we will have bad luck.  We avoid an activity because we are afraid we won't measure up to someone's expectations - or our own.  We take control in a relationship because we fear the other person will not fulfill their responsibilities.  To counteract the bad luck from spilled salt, we toss some over our shoulder.

When it comes right down to it, we all suffer from a form of xenophobia:  The fear...of anything that is strange or foreign (Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, 2002).

Fear always projects our negative expectations into a strange and foreign land:  the future.  We cannot know what tomorrow will bring.  Yet, based on our assumption that something bad will happen, we make tactical decisions to protect ourselves.  Even if our fear is rational, it still projects a negative outcome into an unknown future. 

The problem with these fear-based behaviors is that in protecting ourselves from the bad, we also shield ourselves from the good.  

What decisions did you make yesterday that were rooted in fear?  Are you brave enough to live today free from xenophobia-the fear of anything strange or foreign?  Embrace the unknown with curiosity instead of fear.  Make decisions that leave you vulnerable instead of protected.   Open yourself to all life has to offer.

Disclaimer:  There are times fear is rationale and protective.  As I stood a captive in my own home, I thought how horrible it would be to live every second in fear for my life.  Yet, I realize this is how thousands of abused women, men and children exist every day.  Obviously, these types of situations are exempt from the challenge to "[m]ake decisions that leave you vulnerable instead of protected."  If you are in an abusive situation, please contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Know what you know and know what you don't know.

Successful people don't do everything well.  They know their strengths, and they maximize them.  They also know their limitations, and they don't try to do things for which they are not equipped.  They surround themselves with individuals who are strong where they are weak.

Certainly there are minimum competencies that everyone must possess.  But once those competencies are achieved, building on your strengths will be more productive than trying to improve your weaknesses.  You will set yourself apart from the crowd by becoming the best at what you already do well, not by being barely competent at everything. 

We are all uniquely gifted.  The ideal is to find a career and a jobsite that suit your gifting.  Know your weaknesses so you can minimize having to use them.  Play to your strengths.  Surround yourself with people who compliment both your strengths and your weaknesses.