At the age of eight, Nick Vujicic wanted to end his life.  He saw no purpose in his existence, nor any hope of a purpose being revealed.  Born without any limbs, Nick has only part of his left foot, more of a flipper really that he calls his chicken drumstick.  Today he travels the globe encouraging adults and children alike.  His demonstration leaves a lasting imprint.  He throws himself down on the table.  Lying there with no limbs it should be impossible for him to get up.  Yet he does.  He gets up!

Arthur Robinson and his wife, Laurelee, had prepared for every eventuality in their home school.  They'd taken one factor for granted: Laurelee would be there to teach their six children.  She went from healthy to deceased in 24 hours, leaving Arthur with six children, ages 12, 10, 9, 7, 7, and 17 months to care for; a house to keep; a farm to tend; and a full time job.  Their tragedy is now shaping the educational futures of thousands of families worldwide through a home school curriculum born out of necessity.

Scott and Rebecca Butcher received the heartbreaking news that their little girl had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS).  Annabelle would need to be born a hundred miles away from home in a hospital that would give her the best chance at survival.  She fared better than expected in her first surgeries and was able to go home for awhile.  When she was eight weeks and three days old, Annabelle's parents held their baby girl for the last time.  Out of their grief they founded an organization to help other families faced with this journey of HLHS.  Annabelle's Baskets gives families a sign that someone knows what it is like to spend their days in the hospital instead of at home...a sign that someone is thinking of them. 

We can spend the rest of our life tragically or triumphantly.  We can spend our last days dying or leaving a legacy.  Sometimes we just need someone to show us we have a choice.  If you know someone who is walking through a challenge or loss, gently encourage them to live.

1. the physical pressure, pull, or other force exerted on one thing by another.
2. a specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain, that disturbs or interferes with the normal physiological equilibrium of an organism.

Combine these two definitions and you get:  A physical pressure, pull, or force that causes the body to respond in such a way as to interfere with its normal physiological equilibrium. 

Is stress causing you to feel off balance?  Your schedule could be contributing to your stress.

We are involved in activities that are admirable.  But we often schedule downtime right out of our lives.  Though downtime will look different for each of us, we all need time to reenergize and rejuvenate.  Here are a few quick tips to bring balance to your stressful schedule.

1. Consider scaling back outside activities. Limit the number of activities you allow in a month, a week, or a day.
2. Look at times of the week, month, or year where you are particularly vulnerable. The next time you are stressed, take a minute and consider if you were stressed the same day last week, month, or year?  During high stress periods, block off time where you limit or do not allow commitments.  Something as simple as moving an appointment could make your day go more smoothly.
3. Find a method to organize your days, weeks, and year.  Some prefer paper and pen, some prefer digital media.  Some do better with the "month-at-a-glance" format; some an "hour-by-hour" layout; others an old-fashioned daily "to do list".  Everyone is different.  The key is to figure out what works for you.

If you are looking for an organizer that does everything - from appointments to birthdays to menus - check out http://www.thefamilyorganizer.com/.  I don't get commission, but I should as much as I recommend it!  It's worked for our family for years! 

How do you keep your stressful schedule in check?  Take a moment to share with us!

It is easy to respond well when someone gives us a compliment or encourages us.  Constructive criticism can even be easy to swallow.  But thoughtless, hurtful words can bring thoughtless, harmful responses that make the situation worse.  

When was the last time someone spoke critically to you?  We may face criticism at work (client, boss, co-worker) or at home (spouse, child, parent, friend).  Sometimes criticism comes from a complete stranger.  Sometimes the criticism is unfounded.

A tween volunteer gave instructions to a patron, just as she'd been told to do.  The woman, well into her forties, began making accusations against the volunteer and spoke ugly to her.  Nearby adults urged the woman to be quiet, suggesting she was out of line.  Some onlookers even went to the volunteer office to speak on the volunteer's behalf.  Sadly, our introduction to criticism can come at a very early age.

Our response can calm angry waters or stir the storm.  Responding well requires patience and practice.  The most basic philosophy is still the most effective:  Act; don't react.  That's often easier said than done!  Here are six simple strategies for good communication during conflict:

1) Think objectively. Once it's obvious you're engaged in an unpleasant conversation, try to distance yourself emotionally. Don't take the criticism personally. Look at the situation scientifically: consider the dialogue as a clue to solving a puzzle.

2) Give the person the benefit of the doubt. Assume they are normally a reasonable individual who happens to be experiencing an unusually difficult day.

3) Act calmly and rationally. Treat them kindly, even if you don't think they deserve it. You can be firm on an issue, but gentle on the individual. Speak softly, make welcoming eye contact, and smile (smirking doesn't count).

4) Don't react. Resist the urge to speak immediately. Take a moment to process the information. "Let me think this over (look into this) and get back to you," is a great response. Just make sure you follow through!

5) Accept responsibility for the situation without accepting blame. "I understand you are upset. Let me make sure I'm clear on the details of your circumstance so I can help you resolve this situation." Showing them you are trying to help can go a long way to diffusing the situation.

6) Don't argue. If you are right, making someone else admit you are right doesn't make you more right. Besides, it rarely matters who's right. What matters is resolving the conflict.

Share your tips on responding!

As much as we'd like to justify that quality and quantity can each stand on their own, we all know that isn't true.  Every relationship - work, spouse, children, family and friends - needs both quality and quantity to survive.  Relationships need lots of both if they are to thrive. 

My problem is I want to give my time to too many good causes, leaving me stretched thin.  I don't seem to have enough quantity or quality to give anyone.  I'm not alone.  Just this week two people bemoaned, "I don't have enough time to do all the things I want to do."  Seems that's epidemic today. 

I recently heard of an interesting concept:  relational priorities.  In our daily lives there is not enough of us to go around.  With all the different areas of life demanding our time, at some point we will compromise in one area to fulfill our obligation to another.  We'll cheat work to take care of family, or visa versa.  Our lives are full to the hilt; and, since we can't be in two places at once, something's gotta give.  Which relationships receive our time and attention define our relational priorities.

We often adapt the victim mentality in this process, overlooking that we are the ones who actively get to choose where our time and attention go. 

Where you choose to spend your time defines your quantity.

How you choose to spend your time defines your quality.

Take a few moments to assess your relational priorities.  Write them down.  Ten years from now, what memories do you want to have?  If you were to die next year, how do you want to be remembered?

Based on those answers, take control of your quantity and quality.  Write down where you will spend your time.  Now write down how you will spend your time while you are in those places. 

As you go about living life, it is easy to shift off course without realizing what has happened.  Sometimes life changes require an intentional shift in priorities.  Every so often you'll want to return to this list to see if your relational priorities are where they need to be. 

**30 Day Shred Update:

Day 17:  I missed my first workout.  Ironically, the first day I was too busy to "shred" fell on a weekend when three of my four children were out of state.  Go figure! 

Day 18:  My belt, on its tightest hole, is too loose!

(See 5-27-09 post on Balancing Obesity for original blog content)

"It's important to have a little guilt in life.  And feeling bad can accomplish a heap of good." --Dr. Kevin Leman, Have a New Kid by Friday

In this excerpt Dr. Leman is speaking to parents who prevent children from suffering the consequences of their decisions and actions because the parents don't want little Johnny to feel bad.  Those parents are people-pleasers.  If they are doing it to their kids, they are probably doing it to their spouses, to their friends, and at work.

For as long as I can remember I've been a people-pleaser, never wanting anyone to be upset.  Truth is, that isn't good for anyone.  Not for my employer, my clients, my husband, my kids, or any of my relationships.

Are you a people-pleaser?  Are you someone who surrounds him/herself with people-pleasers?  If you are either one, you aren't living up to your full potential.  You also aren't empowering those around you to aspire to their highest level of greatness.

When you people-please, you are really saying:  "I don't believe in you."  By preventing another person from facing their own consequences (a child who doesn't do homework) or dealing with unpleasant circumstances (having to find someone else to serve on that committee), you communicate that you think they are incapable.  You chose to do something you don't want to do because you think the other person lacks the fortitude to face an unpleasant event.  Your actions rob that person of the opportunity to prove to him/herself that he/she is a remarkable individual with talent and character.

People-pleasers are also motivated by personal insecurity.  They can't bring themselves to disappoint friends, family, and co-workers because they don't trust the relationship to survive difficulty.  If a relationship can't thrive despite times of disappointment, then that relationship is not worthy of your time investment.  When you people-please or surround yourself with people-pleasers, you cheat yourself out of quality relationships.

We shouldn't deliberately cause others harm.  But it's okay to feel bad sometimes.  And it's okay to let someone feel bad as a result of their actions; you don't have to make it all better.  Good can come from feeling bad.

Challenge yourself and those around you to reach your full potential by holding each other accountable for decisions and actions. 

*****************************************************************************************

30 Day Shred Update:

Day 10: Completed Level 1 workout without a rest! 

I can now do the imaginary jump rope staying nearly in one place.  No more touring the living room!

(See 5-27-09 post on Balancing Obesity for original blog content)

Back in the day I was a svelte 126 with tight abs, a tiny waist, and a toned tush; an enviable size 4/6.  Even after my fourth child was born, I managed to get back to a decent weight with all my body parts cooperating to fit into a size 8/10.  I wasn't a hottie, but respectable for a mom of four kids.  Not encouraged yet?  Hold on, here it comes.

I used to think all that "Wait ‘til you turn 40" talk was a ruse.  It's not.  Last year I went to the eye doctor and was informed I'd gone from 20/20 vision to needing bifocals.  Bifocals!  I'm not vain when it comes to glasses, I just couldn't believe my eyesight had deteriorated so much in 2 years!  The fact that he was trying to sell me a $500 pair of glasses also seemed a bit suspect.  So I went for a second opinion, which turned out to be a waste of money.  He just smiled and said, "You turned 40."

My eyes weren't the only thing to go south after my 41^st birthday.  Weight came on and deposited itself in a permanent fashion.  These days my wrists are the only body parts that can boast "tiny".  Now, even when I lose weight, I still wear the same size.  Haven't quite figured out how that works.  My body is clearly rebelling.  Diet alone accomplishes nothing.

As a physical therapist, I know the importance of exercise.  But obstacles have won out.  Obstacle one:  my body.  I decided to go to the gym to see if I could tone up.  It went well for about a month, until my back acted up.  Having to crawl around on my hands and knees convinced me that my days in the gym were over.  Obstacle two:  my locale.  I live in South Carolina.  It's hot and humid here about 8 months out of the year.  Really hot.  Like "stay inside if you want to be able to breathe" hot.  So walking outdoors is a challenge.  Obstacles three and four:  room and money.  I have neither the funds nor the space for a treadmill, so walking indoors really isn't an option either.  I know, excuses, excuses.  But I'm being real here.  The good part is coming, keep reading.

So, I'd pretty much given up.  I'd come to the conclusion, if my clothing size wasn't going to change, I might as well enjoy tasty food.  Then I stumbled across what I want to share with you.  I was reading a post from Vicki Courtney, a lady who writes on teenage purity.  In this day and age, any help I can get on raising pure teenagers, I'm there.  (You can be there too, see "Other Blog Links" on the left.)  This particular day she was writing outside of her niche.  She'd found something so wonderful she just had to share.  She, too, is in the over 40 set and had lost weight without seeing a change in her clothing size.  Then she bought a workout video. 

After 30 days of near death experiences she had lost only one single solitary pound, but she was down an entire size.  None of her clothes fit.  She had to buy all new clothes...and a new bathing suit!  I dashed over to Amazon and checked out the video.  For $8.99 I decided to give it a try.

My 13 year old daughter did 90 seconds of the video the first day it came.  She whimpered the whole next day about her legs and armpits hurting.  I laughed.  Come on.  90 seconds, really?  I should have known better.  This is the child who got her forehead split open with a golf club and didn't shed a tear; you could say she has a high pain tolerance.

The next day we did the entire workout together.  I wasn't laughing anymore.  Screaming at the woman on my TV screen, yes.  Laughing, no.  But, consistent with the physiology I learned in school, the worst was yet to come.  Day 3 it hurt to shave and apply deodorant, no lie.  My abs were screaming.  Since I don't ever want to have to do Days 2 and 3 again, I got up and did Day 4. 

If you are thinking you can't do this, let me tell you I wasn't sure I could either.  I'm coming into this with some physical challenges.  During my first pregnancy, I had a six-inch vertical abdominal incision to remove a tumor.  My abs have never been the same.  After my first child was born, I began having back/hip pain that reached its zenith during my second pregnancy when a disc herniated - complete with foot drop and Trendelenberg gait.  Due to high risk to the baby - and the neurosurgeon's ski trip - an epidural was the first line of defense.  By the time surgery was performed, I was left with residual endurance weakness in my leg.  For the last 12 years my "good leg" has been absorbing the wear and tear and is now showing signs of pain and crepitus.  

I wasn't sure my body was up to the task.  Before investing in arm weights, I wanted to make sure I could do the routine, so I completed the first day without weights.  I could feel instability in my left shoulder during the workout and the next day brought a significant increase in my left knee joint pain.  So for now, I'm using two cans of 14 oz beans rather than the suggested 2-1/2 lb. weights.  I'm sticking to the low impact option on all the exercises.  My body is adjusting. 

It's too early to see a difference, but I already feel a difference:

• I still can't do the entire workout without a rest, but I'm not resting as often.
• I notice myself spontaneously engaging my abs during the day.
• I no longer feel instability in my shoulder.
• My knee joint pain is diminishing.
• My teen and tween are exercising with me, establishing good health habits early.

By the time you read this I'll be at least on Day 7 of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  I'm simply sharing my personal experience with you.  This won't be for everyone.  But if you are already doing this or decide to try it, will you let us know?  Remember, discuss any exercise plan with your physician before you begin. 

If you have a personal success story to share on how you overcame obesity, please take a moment to encourage other readers!

This week I watched Abigail's first struggle with saying, "No."  My seven-year-old daughter was playing with her new best friend, Sophie*, when the time came to leave for dinner.  Abigail had been looking forward to this meal for a couple of days:  sharing her favorite wings with her grandparents and an aunt who was visiting from Tennessee.  It should have been an easy decision, but Sophie's practiced persuasion proved a formidable foe.

Abigail (middle) has no trouble helping her sisters tell their little brother, "NO!"

Saying, "No," can be hard work.  Not everyone will respect your, "No."  Some people believe they have a right to expect you to act a certain way.  When you don't perform according to their plan, they will get mad at you.  They will yell.  They will pout.  They will give you the cold shoulder.  Their disdain will be obvious; you'll know you have disappointed them, let them down.  You will feel like you've done something wrong. 

Sophie's response made Abigail feel like a bad friend.  I explained to my brave little girl that she had been courageous when she stood up for what was important to her.  I told her she was really being a good friend by showing Sophie it was okay to make an unpopular decision.

As adults we have to be okay with unpopular decisions.  When it comes to saying, "NO," here are a few perspective-keeping keys:

1)  Your decisions will not please everyone.  Don't even try.

2)  No one has a right to expect you to say, "Yes."  This expectation often occurs when people ask you to do a task they are unwilling to do themselves.

3)  No one has a right to be angry if you say, "No."  Disappointed, yes; angry, no.

4)  A true friend will respect your decision, even when it is opposite of what they wanted you to do.

5)  People have the right, even the responsibility, to question your decision if they feel your choice is detrimental to your personal well-being or their relationship (i.e. work environment).   Asking for clarification/explanation is not the same as disrespecting your answer.

6)  People have the responsibility to tell you if your "No," was hurtful to them.  They do not have the right to use their feelings in emotional blackmail to get you to change your mind.

7)  Do unto others...the best way to receive respectful treatment is to model it. 

Today, bring balance to your, "No."  Be courageous by saying, "No."  Be gracious when receiving, "No." 

*Sophie is not her real name.

Here is a recap of the areas we've covered so far: 

Activism
Budgets
Communication
Days
Emotions
Friends
Good Intentions
Healing
Imaginations
Jobs
Kaleidoscopes
Laughter
Moods

What topic has made the biggest impact?  Which blog did you enjoy the most?

We still have 13 letters of the alphabet to go...what areas would you like to see covered - O through Z? 

Next week we'll look at an area I still struggle with:  when and how to say, "No"...and (here's the real kicker) not feeling guilty.  I'm getting better but still have moments of over-commitment or committing to the wrong things.  I hope you'll come ready to share your thoughts!

I have moments like that.  When life is too much to bear, when I just want to be left alone for a few minutes to have a good cry - or scream.  Then I can carry on.  But sometimes instead of getting it out of my system, I walk around stormy for days.

My last errand of the day was a routine stop at Sonic.  I love that place.  So much so that most of the workers are familiar with me and greet me warmly.  Not today.  The lady who waited on me was new.  She served me only once before.  She was lackluster that day, too:  she doesn't make eye contact and lacks any sign of enthusiasm.  She seems overwhelmed, confused and hurried. 

Maybe the multitasking of the drive-thru window is sensory overload for her.  Perhaps she is technologically impaired - I sympathize.  Whatever the reason, a simple order is a complex task for this woman.  The customer behind me ordered a Sprite.  The employee had to come back on the intercom three times to process this information.  Hearing wasn't the problem, it was a comprehension issue. 

The line really wasn't that long - only three cars in front of me.  But overwhelmed and confused added up to slow as molasses, which is probably why she is so hurried...always feeling like she is behind and trying to catch up.  On any given day I could have really been in a mood by the time I got to the window...having waited that long only to be treated with indifference by the employee who made me wait.  But today my wait gave me food for thought. 

First I thought about how her indifference detracted from my overall experience.  Altruistic, I know.  Then I pondered what could make her this way.  Why would a 40+ year old woman take a minimum wage position at Sonic?  Did she need a diversion from empty nest syndrome?  Did she need extra income following a divorce?  Was she trying to bolster family finances after her husband got laid off or demoted?  Did she have a family crisis -illness or unexpected expense - that had to be funded with supplemental income? 

Whatever life change landed her at Sonic, I decided it couldn't have been a pleasant one.  How would I treat customers if I was in her shoes?  How would I want customers to treat me? 

For a few seconds in this woman's day, I could decide to be a rain cloud or a beautiful blue sky.  I was a beautiful blue sky.  She didn't look up to see it in my smile; maybe she heard it in my voice.

What will you be?  Go to a private place and get all the rain out of your system, then spread blue skies wherever you go.  Your employees deserve it.  Your clients certainly deserve it...they are paying for it!  Your family deserves it.  And you deserve it! 

I needed more laughter this weekend.  95 degree weather necessitated the upstairs air conditioning unit be turned on.  The overflow pan began leaking into our living room, via our ceiling fan.  It continues to drip even as I type...despite my husband's dozen plus trips under the house to suck out the drain system.  A day set aside to celebrate our son's fifth birthday was fraught with frustration and altered plans.  What do you do on those days? 

Our children took it in stride.  They are such a natural source of joy.  Daily I miss opportunities to laugh with my children.  I'm going to try to do better about that. 

Last weekend I realized I could use more laughter in my marriage.  We attended an oxymoron:  a FUN marriage seminar.  We laughed until we cried - thanks to the speakers' wonderful senses of humor and a drama team that presented a comical look at relationships.

If you'd like to look at the science of laughter, Elizabeth Scott has an informative article that examines the specific positive effects of laughter on stress and general health.  There are also interesting studies that explore how both patients' health and employees' well-being can benefit from laughter. 

I definitely need more laughter in my life.  But I need to make sure my days are full of the right kind of laughter, balanced in motive and timeliness.  My laughter at someone's expense isn't humor, it is ridicule.  My laughter during a serious moment isn't funny, it is inappropriate.  In one Amazing Race episode a female contestant laughed while a deaf male expressed frustration.  Despite her confession that she's always laughed during stressful moments, the deaf man's mother regarded her laughter as ridicule.  Regardless of her motive, this is an example of a time when laughter wasn't funny.

We need the right kind of laughter in our lives...daily!  When was the last time you belly laughed?  When was the last time you had to wipe tears of laughter from your eyes?  This week - today - make time to laugh!  Below are a few links to get you started.  Where do you go when you want to laugh?  Will you share your favorites with us?

"The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed."

--Sebastian Roch Nicolas Chamfort

Laughter Links:

Cultural diversity and cultural barriers are hot topics.  Growing up I didn't have an appreciation for this.  I went to a school where many ethnic backgrounds were represented, but it was never an issue.  I don't ever recall feeling differently about someone because of the color of their skin or their ethnicity.

Then I moved to South Carolina.  WOW.  The black/white gap was as wide as the north/south chasm.  When a patient found out I was a Yankee setting down roots on his beloved Southern soil, he blocked his tracheostomy to curse at me.  Don't ever let anyone tell you the Civil War only lasted four years...it is alive and well! 

I would have thought I just lived a sheltered life, but I had a good black friend who had moved to Charleston from Nebraska and it was culture shock for him, too.  There is no denying that there are cultural differences, but sometimes those differences are not due to our ethnicity so much as the geography and history of our upbringing.  We can't assume that every person of the same color will respond similarly. 

Cultural awareness training can be beneficial, but not if you take what you have learned about a particular ethnic background and apply it to everyone of that race.  We are more complex than just the color of our skin. 

To bring balance to the kaleidoscope that is our world, we must integrate cultural knowledge into the bigger picture.  It is unrealistic that one person will ever know all of the customs of this vast planet.  With the internet and international travel, we will likely come into contact with far more cultures than we could ever learn about.  So what can we do? 

Determine to treat everyone with dignity and respect without prejudging them.  This one sounds deceptively simple.  Take a few minutes this week to consider some of the stereotypes you hold...pay attention to your initial responses in situations and ask yourself why you respond that way.

Utilize colleagues.  Ask co-workers if they are aware of any cultural differences that could impact client relations.  As a speech therapist verbalized frustration with a mother over her lack of follow through with the child's home program, another health professional intervened.  She explained that the family's Hispanic cultural beliefs were interfering with how the speech therapist was trying to accomplish her goals.  When the therapist revised the methods used, the patient was able to make forward progress that had been thwarted up to that point.

Be sensitive to others in our interactions, looking for cues that they are uncomfortable or have been offended.  Then allow yourself to be vulnerable through asking questions like, "Is there something I am doing that is making you uncomfortable?"

Society's pace can be dizzying.  Most of us have multiple jobs.  My sister has three jobs: VA, ER and nursing home.  Working at least two of those every week, she keeps insane hours.  We have a friend who aims to keep his managerial workload to under 55 hours/week.  When he leaves work, he goes home to a wife and two young energetic children. 

Some jobs we are compensated for in cash.  For others the wages are paid in love.  I'm referring to domestic roles as "jobs" because they entail responsibilities and duties that must be carried out.  And, if I'm being honest, there are times they feel like work. 

If an employee of a cleaning service is considered to be "working" when she cleans your home, why isn't it considered "work" when you do it?  If an au pair is considered an employee, why is a parent's role not seen as a job to be carried out with excellence?  Homes require upkeep.  Families take work. 

So, how many jobs do you have?  You have a paying job, or three!  Maybe you have a job that requires you to report to multiple bosses, so that feels like two jobs.  Maybe you find working from home has benefits, but also blurs the line between your roles.  You have responsibilities with your marriage, children or, perhaps, aging parents.  You have duties to fulfill with your volunteer work.  How do you balance them?

Setting a limit on the number of hours you spend at each is a good start.  This may be a maximum, like our friend who tries to work less than 55 hours a week at his paying job.  Or maybe you need to set a minimum time you'll spend at home with your family.  Take stock of the requirements of each job and decide how much time you need to invest and at what point you are overdoing it.

Compartmentalizing your jobs will help you be "in the moment" wherever you are.  This means you leave work at work and you leave home at home.  Once you decide how many hours to devote to each job, determine to leave the cares of that job behind at the end of the day.  If you are at home thinking about work, you really aren't at home...you are cheating your family out of your full attention.  Likewise, if you are at work thinking about your family, you are cheating your employer.  Do each job with excellence, fully invested in your responsibilities, but when it is time to go, LEAVE and take your mind with you!

Know your strengths and weaknesses.  If you are someone who has difficulty leaving a task before it is completed, a home office may not be the best option for you.  You may not be able to separate your responsibilities with them under the same roof.  Be honest about what your capabilities are, and then structure your work environments to maximize your effectiveness.

These are a few ideas to get you started.  Will you share any plans that have worked for you?  Your words may be just what someone else needs to bring balance.

I'm often amazed at my children's imaginations.  My daughter Lauren recently wrote and illustrated two books on funny faces, creating faces from everyday objects with great detail and variety.  My oldest daughter took a cue from Lauren and made a story line for similar characters.  My youngest daughter is the storyteller of the family.  Her imagination takes her stories to fantastic places and involves her characters in lively situations.  My son's imagination finds release in physical creativity.  Ah, the joys of boys!  Imaginations are wonderful - they bring us some very fine entertainment.

As we age, our imaginations are often influenced more by our surroundings than by any innate sense of creativity.  The purity of our imaginations is replaced by the familiar saying, "Garbage in, garbage out."  I read a piece on pornography that spoke of how those images are burned into the memories of its viewers.  I notice a similar phenomenon occurs after I view shows with foul language.  Even into the next day those curse words will immediately come to mind if I get aggravated.  Our minds gravitate to what our eyes have seen and what our ears have heard.

Today we are bombarded with news of our flailing economy.  It is easy for our minds to wander to a place of insecurity, poverty, and homelessness.  If we aren't careful our imaginations can lead us into a state of depression.  Certainly, we need to be realistic and responsible with our finances.  But we also need to be realistic and responsible with how we invest our time: what we listen to and what we watch. This is true for all aspects of our life:  finances, job, marriage, parenting, relationships, fashion and hobbies.

Bring balance to what you allow your senses to be exposed to and you will bring balance to your imagination.

Change your thoughts and change your world.

-Norman Vincent Peale

Health care is big business...the biggest.  Health care is the single largest US industry, with health care spending in the United States reaching $2.4 trillion in 2008^1,2.   In 2006, health care provided 14 million jobs¹. Between 2006 and 2016, health care is expected to generate 3 million new wage and salary jobs - more than any other industry¹. 

Patients pay for health care.  But they come to us for healing.  Health care is an industry.  Healing is an art. Practicing an art requires patience, on the part of the patient and the practitioner.  The health care industry does little to promote patience.  Our patients, out of ignorance, often prefer the quick fix.

Patients come to us in pain.  When the pain is physical, we attempt to quantify it using a scale.  Some come to us in emotional pain from losses they have suffered from a disability that has robbed them of their independent lifestyle.  All pain makes us impatient.  We want the pain to be gone.  And we'll do most anything to have someone take it away.

The difficulty comes when practitioners allow health care to trump healing.  Health care may take away the pain temporarily, but it often leaves the problem - the root cause.  If you leave the root, the symptoms will return:  the same symptoms at greater intensity or worse symptoms.  The original practitioner may not be around to witness this phenomenon.  Perhaps the practitioner moved on to a different facility.  Or, when the symptoms return, the patient may choose a different facility hoping to find a practitioner who will offer longer-lasting relief.   

Standing in contrast to health care, healing doesn't use alleviation of symptoms as its only benchmark for success.  Healing works slowly and encourages patients to embrace their symptoms as teachers...to learn from them.  Healing looks at the big picture, not settling for pain-free when a cure is available. 

If you have been a therapist for any length of time, you have treated the casualties of the health care industry - those who have been allured by the quick fix.  Some patients are veterans of the quick fix war.  Without realizing what has happened, some practitioners have been drafted to the health care army while they aren't looking.  The only antidote to the quick fix is the art of healing. 

Do you occupy one of the wage and salary jobs in the largest US industry or are you an artist weaving the tapestry of healing?

¹ US Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics

² National Coalition on Health Care

Like the perpetual college student, I can be the perpetual planner.  If I'm being totally honest, sometimes planning is an excuse to avoid doing.  When I'm afraid of failing, I hesitate to begin a project until all of my plans are secure. 

Other times I just don't want to do the task.  So, I tell myself I'm being productive by planning.  Some might call that lying...I prefer the term procrastination. 

The problem with procrastination, whether born out of fear or disinterest, is that it consumes time and energy that could be used productively for other projects.    

The best way to bring balance to our good intentions is to be honest about our intentions.  If you don't want to do something, own up to that.  It is easy for me to get stuck in a people pleasing mode.  The problem is if I tell someone I will do something that I really don't want to do, I'm going to frustrate them.  Better to tell them up front that I have no interest.  Then they can find someone who will do the task with enthusiasm and on time!

If you are afraid of failure, confide in a friend.  Get moral support.  Just saying your fear out loud to someone else takes some of fear's power away.  Think back to times when you've been afraid.  Most of what we fear never comes to pass.  Recently I pulled an all-nighter - not the same experience at 43 as it was at 17!  I procrastinated on an assignment that intimidated me.  Once I began the research, everything fell together beautifully.  If I had taken action sooner, I would have found my fears were without merit.  I would have saved days of fret and avoided a sleepless night!

"You gain strength, courage and confidence
by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...
You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

- Eleanor Roosevelt