Part 2: Parents and the Five Stages of Acceptance
Last week I wrote a post entitled Parents and the Five Stages of Acceptance. Today's post is a continuation and will provide more information about what Elizabeth Kübler-Ross taught us and how we can utilize it in early intervention.
Based on my research of her teachings and what I found at Wikipedia, she shared that "originally these stages applied to people suffering from terminal illness, and later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom)". However, what I was taught and have come to know though my profession and personal experiences is that parents who have a child diagnosed with a disability of some kind, also travel through the stages of acceptance in order to be able to cope with the often overwhelming and worrisome situation.
Kübler-Ross claimed that "these steps do not necessarily come in order [Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance] nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. Often, people will experience several stages in a "roller coaster" effect - switching between two or more stages, returning to one or more several times before working through it".
The Web site goes on to say that other "people experiencing the stages should not force the process. The grief process is highly personal and should not be rushed, nor lengthened, on the basis of an individual's imposed time frame or opinion. One should merely be aware that the stages will be worked through and the ultimate stage of "Acceptance" will be reached".
Try to keep this in mind when working with your families in E.I. Although WE, as therapists can often see what the family/child needs to progress, many times the parent(s) is still simply accepting that their child is not developing normally. As Kübler-Ross taught, it is important to allow parents to come to these realizations in their own time.
Whenever I have tried to push someone to "accept" something, it usually backfires. What I have learned is that you can guide and educate them, show them how to problem-solve and manage the situation, comfort and console them when they need it, but the true acceptance that occurs deep within a person's spirit occurs only when they are ready. For some, the process takes weeks, for others it takes months and for many, it takes years.