Sleeping with the Enemy
They complain it's like sleeping with Darth Vader. It gets in the way of cuddling. Couples fear the face mask, long tubing, and annoying motor will threaten their marriage.
For partners of CPAP wearers, the breathing devices can cause just as many obstacles in the bedroom as snoring.
Babbett Peterson, the wife of a CPAP user, told Newsweek, "Things were great in the bedroom. Then there was this thing strapped to his head," said Peterson, who added later. "It's a huge emotional loss. I am a cuddler. I felt like I couldn't touch him."
But not controlling apneic episodes can wreak as much havoc on a couple's intimacy. Fatigue can inhibit energy and libido. And the dangers of untreated apnea - which puts patients at risk for stroke, heart disease, high blood pressure, and car accidents - can add worry, stress, and financial woes for couples.
Despite all the reasons patients SHOULD comply with CPAP, many patients say the strain it puts on their relationship is one of their top concerns. Patients may feel self-conscious about talking with their doctors about what goes on in the bedroom. But fears that partners will reject patients are abundant in Internet chat groups for patients. Clinicians should be prepared to address these concerns.
In the Apnea Support Forum of the American Sleep Apnea Association, for example, one CPAP user wrote:
"Not looking forward to having to wear a mask every night. I can only imagine how that's going to impact my love life. Hard to be romantic with your girlfriend when you've got a mask strapped on your head and look like a coma patient. But hey, if it really makes a noticeable difference in my energy level, and I stop falling asleep at my desk every single day at work, then it's worth it."
Another wearer blamed CPAP for ending her long-time relationship:
"My long term relationship ended a few months ago, after 8 years. The irony of the situation is that he was the person who discovered my breathing problems at night...finally convincing me to see a doctor. So I have him to thank for pushing me to take care of the situation. On the other hand, once I was diagnosed and prescribed with a CPAP machine and mask, although he tried to hide his disdain of the therapy, but it was obvious."
Visitors to the Apnea Support Forum offered practical tips for navigating beyond the CPAP mood kill.
"I am not single - been married to an angel for 47 years. Yes, the mask does limit spontaneity. However, may I suggest two things. First, don't put the mask on until you are ready to go to sleep. Second, when I wake up about 6:00 a. m. for a bathroom trip, I come back to bed but don't put the mask back on."
And one woman said her CPAP put back the spark in her relationship:
"My husband & I joke that the CPAP machine is the sexiest thing we have ever seen - just because it gives me more energy!!"